I really enjoy those talks with friends about absolutely nothing, but manage to say absolutely everything. When you start on one topic, but end on something completely different. Those conversations when you have to go back and figure out how in the world you managed to get from point A all the way to point Z when they have nothing in common.
Those conversations when you don't really communicate, but what's said is always understood, appreciated, and usually agreed on.
I love being able to hang out with a friend, and know that everything that's said, is in confidence, and won't go beyond the ears or lips of the very person you're talking to.
I just love, knowing I have finally found a friend worth finding.
&Let me tell you, the wait was very well worth it. Hard at times, but in the end, a true friend is hard to come by, but so very worth all of the crap you went through to find said person.
TRUE STORY.
Goodnight, my lovelies.
25 March 2012
23 March 2012
Long time no Therapy
What's up, BlogSpot?! I feel like I haven't been on in ages... Hmm, maybe because I truly haven't been on in AGES. Whoa. Crazy stuff right there.
I had a huge therapy session last night with my journal. &I mean intense. It resulted in like 3 pages of very rude words towards people I can't stand, scribbles that stand for me feelings towards said people, and countless holes all over the pages from pressing the pen down too hard. It was good though.(:
You know those people that just rub you the wrong way, but no matter how much you tell them, or make it very clear you don't want to be friends, they just don't get it?! Yeah, try having two of those in your life.
#1, this guy who is annoyingly relentless. He got my phone number from a friend. Mistake number one. He then texts me, WHILE I'M OUT OF TOWN, to ask me out. Keep in mind, he does this... OVER TEXT MESSAGE. And when I don't give him an answer, he then goes to tell me EVERY reason why it never would have worked out anyways. So when I get back into town, he pretends none of it ever happened, and starts hitting on me again. And he keeps telling me how much he wants to be in a relationship with me. FUN PART! He had a girlfriend the entire time. A true winner right there, huh?!
Basically, everything that a guy can do wrong when he claims to like a girl, was done in this particular scenario. Yeah, I'm currently not talking to him. But he clearly doesn't understand that seemingly simple ideal. He still thinks we're friends. My gosh, how dumb can people be anymore!?
#2, stupid girl. Don't you hate it when you sign up to be friends with what a person shows initially, just to find out that who you first saw is nowhere near who they really are? Yeah, it's called being two faced. When they put on a front, but turn out to be the total opposite. &The worst kind of a two faced person? When the side the show everyone else is this little innocent girl who is so nice and can do no wrong with an amazing sense of humor... But who she is, is the girl nobody wants to be friends with, and she's the girl that drives guys insane, and I'm not referring to the good kind of being driven insane. It's the kind of insane that makes them all come up to me and say, literally, "Wow, you really weren't kidding. When I don't reply to her text messages, she sends 10 more. And she sends the dumbest things just to get attention. Seriously, I thought you were kidding."
My response?
"Well, I warned you. Now you're just another name on her list of victims that she won't ever leave alone."
&the fact that she has the audacity to send the text saying, "I'm pregnant!" and then getting mad when she doesn't receive a response, is just beyond shocking. I just want to look at her and yell, "Dude, you're pathetic. The harder you try, the more you drive everyone away.'
My whole thing is... When a friend does something stupid, I'm the kind of friend that will stand by your side, no matter how wrong I know you were. I do everything I can to be like, "Well you know what, they're one of my closest friends, so no matter what they do, I'll back them up 100%"
But when you're doing so many things that I so strongly disagree with, I can't be that friend. She has changed so much since she's moved here. But the worst part? She would deny the whole thing. But you know what? I know what all of my guy friends have told me, I know what she's been saying to them over text message just for attention, and they will all back ME up if I ever call her out on it. And the fact that I have other friends telling me that she's truly psycho, is just another sign that I've made a good choice in NOT being her friend. I just can't stand it when I sign up for a friend, and they turn out to be absolutely everything I avoid in a friend.
How in the world can you be so wrong about a person you were so sure you know so well? That, is a question that has gone unanswered for so long, and this is just another example to add to the list...
And now said persons mentioned above are all buddy buddy! It's laughable, really. It just makes me that much more thankful for the fact that I can notice when someone is being fake, and not feel obligated to stick around. I would so much rather have just a few real friends, than have tons of fake ones... Ya know?
I could go on and on, but I won't. I got most of it out last night, so this is just another form of release for me. But it's not like anyone actually reads my nonsense. Haha, it's just another way to get my brain to slow down enough to put words and actual thoughts together with the feelings. It's a way of putting my thoughts into words so I can figure out exactly how I feel about a situation...
In other news, I'm on a kick and it feels so good. I've decided that since I leave for school in June, why not improve my life now so it's amazing when I get there? &I'm referring to every aspect of my life: psychically, emotionally, who are true friends, spiritually, and my overall mindset. It feels so good. I've come to the resounding conclusion that you really can do whatever you want if you just set your mind to it. All my life, I've always half assed things. And I mean everything. That's the problem with society today, though. We do something once or twice and expect immediate results. We don't like working for things...
Maybe that's why everything anymore isn't as good as it was 10 years ago...? Just a thought.
But I've decided that if I want to be in better shape and actually like what I see when I look in the mirror, I have to commit and not quite until I'm genuinely happy with the outcome. I have to do something and keep up with it until the results are truly what I want, and not stop just because I don't feel like doing it anymore. &Some days it's hard, really hard. But I just tell myself, instead of watching TV for a half hour, go work out. Then you can read a book to actually STIMULATE your brain, and not watch the nonsense that's on television these days. I've been working at it for about two weeks, and so far so good! (: Which is really exciting. Basically, I have until the end of June to better myself while in comfortable surroundings. After that, I'll be at school and EVERYTHING will change. &I'm praying it's for the better. So, wish me luck!
I had a huge therapy session last night with my journal. &I mean intense. It resulted in like 3 pages of very rude words towards people I can't stand, scribbles that stand for me feelings towards said people, and countless holes all over the pages from pressing the pen down too hard. It was good though.(:
You know those people that just rub you the wrong way, but no matter how much you tell them, or make it very clear you don't want to be friends, they just don't get it?! Yeah, try having two of those in your life.
#1, this guy who is annoyingly relentless. He got my phone number from a friend. Mistake number one. He then texts me, WHILE I'M OUT OF TOWN, to ask me out. Keep in mind, he does this... OVER TEXT MESSAGE. And when I don't give him an answer, he then goes to tell me EVERY reason why it never would have worked out anyways. So when I get back into town, he pretends none of it ever happened, and starts hitting on me again. And he keeps telling me how much he wants to be in a relationship with me. FUN PART! He had a girlfriend the entire time. A true winner right there, huh?!
Basically, everything that a guy can do wrong when he claims to like a girl, was done in this particular scenario. Yeah, I'm currently not talking to him. But he clearly doesn't understand that seemingly simple ideal. He still thinks we're friends. My gosh, how dumb can people be anymore!?
#2, stupid girl. Don't you hate it when you sign up to be friends with what a person shows initially, just to find out that who you first saw is nowhere near who they really are? Yeah, it's called being two faced. When they put on a front, but turn out to be the total opposite. &The worst kind of a two faced person? When the side the show everyone else is this little innocent girl who is so nice and can do no wrong with an amazing sense of humor... But who she is, is the girl nobody wants to be friends with, and she's the girl that drives guys insane, and I'm not referring to the good kind of being driven insane. It's the kind of insane that makes them all come up to me and say, literally, "Wow, you really weren't kidding. When I don't reply to her text messages, she sends 10 more. And she sends the dumbest things just to get attention. Seriously, I thought you were kidding."
My response?
"Well, I warned you. Now you're just another name on her list of victims that she won't ever leave alone."
&the fact that she has the audacity to send the text saying, "I'm pregnant!" and then getting mad when she doesn't receive a response, is just beyond shocking. I just want to look at her and yell, "Dude, you're pathetic. The harder you try, the more you drive everyone away.'
My whole thing is... When a friend does something stupid, I'm the kind of friend that will stand by your side, no matter how wrong I know you were. I do everything I can to be like, "Well you know what, they're one of my closest friends, so no matter what they do, I'll back them up 100%"
But when you're doing so many things that I so strongly disagree with, I can't be that friend. She has changed so much since she's moved here. But the worst part? She would deny the whole thing. But you know what? I know what all of my guy friends have told me, I know what she's been saying to them over text message just for attention, and they will all back ME up if I ever call her out on it. And the fact that I have other friends telling me that she's truly psycho, is just another sign that I've made a good choice in NOT being her friend. I just can't stand it when I sign up for a friend, and they turn out to be absolutely everything I avoid in a friend.
How in the world can you be so wrong about a person you were so sure you know so well? That, is a question that has gone unanswered for so long, and this is just another example to add to the list...
And now said persons mentioned above are all buddy buddy! It's laughable, really. It just makes me that much more thankful for the fact that I can notice when someone is being fake, and not feel obligated to stick around. I would so much rather have just a few real friends, than have tons of fake ones... Ya know?
I could go on and on, but I won't. I got most of it out last night, so this is just another form of release for me. But it's not like anyone actually reads my nonsense. Haha, it's just another way to get my brain to slow down enough to put words and actual thoughts together with the feelings. It's a way of putting my thoughts into words so I can figure out exactly how I feel about a situation...
In other news, I'm on a kick and it feels so good. I've decided that since I leave for school in June, why not improve my life now so it's amazing when I get there? &I'm referring to every aspect of my life: psychically, emotionally, who are true friends, spiritually, and my overall mindset. It feels so good. I've come to the resounding conclusion that you really can do whatever you want if you just set your mind to it. All my life, I've always half assed things. And I mean everything. That's the problem with society today, though. We do something once or twice and expect immediate results. We don't like working for things...
Maybe that's why everything anymore isn't as good as it was 10 years ago...? Just a thought.
But I've decided that if I want to be in better shape and actually like what I see when I look in the mirror, I have to commit and not quite until I'm genuinely happy with the outcome. I have to do something and keep up with it until the results are truly what I want, and not stop just because I don't feel like doing it anymore. &Some days it's hard, really hard. But I just tell myself, instead of watching TV for a half hour, go work out. Then you can read a book to actually STIMULATE your brain, and not watch the nonsense that's on television these days. I've been working at it for about two weeks, and so far so good! (: Which is really exciting. Basically, I have until the end of June to better myself while in comfortable surroundings. After that, I'll be at school and EVERYTHING will change. &I'm praying it's for the better. So, wish me luck!
05 January 2012
"I feel like I'm never important enough for anyone, I'm never anyone priority, and I'm sick of always being second best. For once, I want to be first. I want someone to look at me and not be disappointed in what they see. It's the unrequited feelings that suck the most, but those feelings are what have defined my life for the past 19 years."
"Have you ever thought that maybe if you trusted people then you would be first priority?"
NO FUCKING WAY. I'M MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY, SOCIALLY, AND PSYCHOLOGICALLY SCREWED UP, BUT THE THOUGHT THAT MAYBE IF I LEARNED TO TRUST PEOPLE, THINGS WOULD CHANGE NEVER ONCE CROSSED MY MIND.
NINETEEN YEARS OF SHIT CALLED LIFE, AND THE THOUGHT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME.
Thank you captain obvious for pointing out yet another one of my flaws. You should be happy that I even told you that, considering that is one of the thoughts I've only ever kept to myself. You're the first person to ever hear me voice those thoughts, so before you go and start to fix things for me, why don't you start by simply listening. You just might learn something and figure something out about me.
But don't you dare go and bring up obvious things that cross my mind every day of my fucking life, and act like I've never even thought of them. EVER.
Well done, you've managed to make me feel even worse about myself. Cool. Great. Awesome.
GREATLY APPRECIATED.
You can leave now.
"Have you ever thought that maybe if you trusted people then you would be first priority?"
NO FUCKING WAY. I'M MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY, SOCIALLY, AND PSYCHOLOGICALLY SCREWED UP, BUT THE THOUGHT THAT MAYBE IF I LEARNED TO TRUST PEOPLE, THINGS WOULD CHANGE NEVER ONCE CROSSED MY MIND.
NINETEEN YEARS OF SHIT CALLED LIFE, AND THE THOUGHT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME.
Thank you captain obvious for pointing out yet another one of my flaws. You should be happy that I even told you that, considering that is one of the thoughts I've only ever kept to myself. You're the first person to ever hear me voice those thoughts, so before you go and start to fix things for me, why don't you start by simply listening. You just might learn something and figure something out about me.
But don't you dare go and bring up obvious things that cross my mind every day of my fucking life, and act like I've never even thought of them. EVER.
Well done, you've managed to make me feel even worse about myself. Cool. Great. Awesome.
GREATLY APPRECIATED.
You can leave now.
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