Romance

Fake or Fiction?

This question has been stuck in my head for a while now. We all say that we want the perfect love, but what does that mean exactly? All of this coming only from the perspective of a female, keep that in mind.

We all say that we're lonely and that nobody wants us. Yet when a guy friend, or even a guy we hardly know, comes up to us, at one point or another, and they tell us how they feel about us, and about the fact that they have had feelings for us for some time now, we refuse it. We want love from a significant other, but we're picky about it. In my opinion, if you're complaining about being single, you should take what you can get. Because if you're really that desperate, it probably doesn't really matter who the affection is coming from. We want to feel wanted, but our problem, is that we only want to feel wanted by certain people.
My thing, is that, if you really are that desperate to feel needed, and wanted, and like you're a vital piece of something, you should be thankful for ANY kind of kindness from anyone. It may be the best friend that has a crush on us, or the weird kid in class, but if you're really that in need of feeling wanted, who are you to say that someone else's desire for you isn't good enough?

&The novel kind of love. Those pages we read in our favorite books that give us chills, cause us to look up from the words, take a breath, and gather our thoughts. Those words that cause us to tingle from the tips of your toes all the way though your being, all the way up to the tip of your forehead. Those scenarios that we read through, and wish they could happen to us. Honestly, if those scenarios were to actually present themselves in front of us, who would really take advantage of them?

Care for a few examples?

The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks
If you were at the carnival with your friend and some random guy came up to you and asked you to dance, would you? Probably not. Most people want the ideal love story, but nobody wants to abandon their comfort zone in order to achieve it. Anyway, so he asks you to dance, and you refuse. &He then proceeds to find you several times all over town, and doesn't leave you alone? How many people would actually be flattered?  In today's society, that's called being a creep. And nobody I know would think anything differently about that if said situation were to ever arise. Bottom line, put yourself in the shoes of the character, Allie. Can you HONESTLY tell me that you would handle the situation the exact same way in order to get her end result? If your answer is yes, then congratulations, you're one in a million. &If your answer is no, then you just proved my point.

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
As we are all reading through the books in this series, we all wish we could be Katniss. Because she's such a strong character, and she has no idea. There is so much about her that we all admire and wish we could somehow embody. Through the story, we all make the choice of who we think she's really meant to be with: Gale of Peeta? For argument sake, let's go with Peeta on this one. He claims he madly in love with Katniss, the day before they go into battle of kill to the death. At this point, how many of you would really be flattered? Personally, I'd be pissed of for just NOW sharing that little piece of information. But once you get into the game, to find out that that one person who just claimed his undying love for you, has apparently betrayed you? I'd say you would probably handle the situation just like Katniss did. I really don't think you would fall in love with him even more. Even when we find out that he's sacrificing for her, we, as the reader, are gushing about the romance behind it all, but if you were in that arena, would you be thinking, 'Wow, I'm finally getting to live out my ideal love story.' Absolutely not. And even at the end of the book, we get mad at Katniss when she reveals to Peeta that it's all been an act for her. We think, 'How can you not be in love with him?!'
I'll tell you why. Did he help to save her life? Yes. Did he declare his love for her nationwide, and then protect those feelings, even if meant losing his life? Yes. To us, it seems absolutely rational for her to love him back, after all he has done for her. &To a certain extent, she does love him, but she's not IN LOVE with her. &There's a big difference.

That's the thing, we as the reader, are submerged in the story, just with our minds. While the completely fictional characters are actually living out the scenarios presented. If we were in the story ourselves, how would our perseption of the story line alter? We say we all want the perfect fairy tale love stories, but when it comes down to it, nobody is willing to go through the things in real life, that the characters do in books or movies. After a movie or book, we are all, to a certian extent, part of the story. We picture people we know, or ourselves, as the main characters. Who would be the lead, who would be which characters. But if you were the lead character, can you honestly tell me that you wouldn't handle the situation the exact same way that it was handled in the book or movie?

But that's the beauty of it all. We all want something we don't or can't have. We all want the 'perfect' love story that we can tell to our children, who can tell their children, who can then tell their children, so that your love story is passed down through the decades. We all want the love story every one dreams about, but if you ask me, if the opportunity were to ever actually present itself, very few would even think to take advantage of it.

Tonight, however, I would say my life was as perfect as it's ever been(:

Work
Dinner at home
Walk with Kristen and her Dad
Visit Sierra at work
Mate factor
Wander around Manitou
Adventures on Tejon
Near run in with the cops
Rooftop times
Almost to the top of the Antler's Hilton
Never have I ever, in many different forms
And laughing all the while with some of the bet people I've ever met

It's nights like tonight that keep me going, they remind me that there are things to live for, even when it seems there is no light left at the end of the tunnel. If perfection could be summed up into one thing, tonight would be that night(:

"Some days I just want to run away; not to see how far I can get, but to see who will chase me."

I just want to run away. Not to see where I get, or to see who would chase me. I just want to run away for the simple sake of running away. I want to get away from all of the terrible people that are here. It doesn't matter how hard I try to escape it all, it doesn't matter how fast I run, or how far I get, my problems are always faster. They are always right behind me.

I just want to go to sleep one night, and wake up as a different person. I want to crawl into a corner and never come out. I try and try to keep my heart open, because I truly do want to believe that people are worth fighting for, worth trusting, and worth IT in general, but the harder I try, and the more trust I put in people, the more I learn that I'm placing what little trust I have left into the people that least deserve it. &It's a sucky feeling.

I know what I look for in a friend, and when you don't possess those particular attributes, you won't be in my life very long. I have made poor choices in friends my whole life, and I'm sick of it. So now that I'm raising my standards on who I will and won't be friends with, that makes me a bad person?
The idea of never being able to please anyone is finally setting in. &that's exactly why I want to leave. RIGHT NOW. I can't please my mom, I'm not good enough to have friends. When I'm being myself, I'm the bitch who isn't worthy of any friends, but when I try to be friends with everyone, I'm not happy and I just become a worse version of myself. So at the end of the day, why wouldn't I just be who I am? Because that causes even more ridicule. and the fact that I keep hearing the same stupid things over and over and over, day in and day out, it makes you question yourself, who you have in your life, the things you want, and whether or not you're really worth it at the end of the day. And after being told by so many different people that you're not good enough, nor will you ever be, you really start to believe it.
I try to be as honest with myself and the ones around me, that it always turns out that me being honest makes me a bad person. Yet when I try to be a 'good person' that's never good enough either.

This is exactly why I don't have friends. Nobody knows what they really want, what they believe in, or anything else that truly matters. When I go a day without hardly talking, something is automatically wrong. Yet when I'm in a good mood, I'm loud and obnoxious. When I'm sad, I'm being a drama queen and only want attention. When I'm happy, I'm annoyingly optimistic. When I try to fit in, I'm told to do everything I can to stand out. When I try to be unique, I'm ridiculed even more for trying to be my own person.
You truly can't make anyone happy these days. And everyone always says make yourself happy first, and those around you will be happy for you. WHAT A LOAD OF BULLSHIT. When I'm trying to be myself, there is always that one 'friend' that is right there whispering in my ear that it isn't good enough, I'm not good enough, and I never will be. I try so hard to be happy, but anymore, it seems like the ideal of happiness is just another far fetched dream.

So yeah, sometimes I do just want to run away. Drive out to the West Coast and just walk up and down the beach all day, listening to the sound of the waves crash on the beach. But then reality hits me. I have work. I have my mom. I have people who just EXPECT me to make them my first priority when I'm nobody's priority.
I try to be a good friend and I'm told that I need to grow a backbone. Yet when I stand up for what I believe in and what I want in my life, I'm told that I'm being stuck up and I have too high of standards.

The bottom line is that I do know what I want in a friend. And a liar is NOT even close to being on that list. So if you lie to me, you're gone faster than you can blink an eye. &I'm not joking. Lying is one thing that I absolutely don't tolerate. Especially if you think I won't find out about something. Words has this crazy way of spreading like wildfire, and if you think it won't reach me, you're incredibly mislead. Never underestimate my ability to find things out.
I know exactly what I look for in anyone and everyone that is in my life. It might sound bad, but I really don't care. I'm not going to surround myself with people that refuse to make me a better person. I won't be around someone who will influence me in all the wrong ways.

&If that means standing alone, then so be it. That's how it's been my whole life, so it's not like it's something I'm not used to. I'm just so sick of being stuck around crappy friends and horrible people. I'm sick of society justifying the bad things people do. I want better, and I will get it one way or another. Even if that means standing alone and being my own best friend.