In the past I have been walked over, made fun of, taken advantage of.
I've lost friends that were dear to me, and I've made friends that I could care less for.
I'm set in my own ways and have no intention to change them for anyone.
I've learned that unless I know exactly what I want, what I believe, how I am, or WHO I am, there will always be those people who will tell you that what you have in front of you is the best you'll ever get. I used to believe it. But I don't anymore, because I'm stubborn. I don't believe something is the best for me just because someone says so. I believe it when I actually feel it's true down to my core. When I can't even imagine my life with anything else.
I may be stubborn, hard headed, set in my ways, and extremely aggravating to some people, but I would rather be that, that be the girl that everyone gets, everyone understands, and everyone agrees with everything I do.
I'm more of the girl who will gladly wait until what I believe I deserve, not the girl who will try every bad seed before the right one finally comes along. I get feelings, my gut reaction, a woman's sixth sense if you will, and I choose not to ignore it.
I'm a very passionate person, about anything that's important to me in life. And when I don't get that feelings inside me of jumping for joy, the moment when I can't get the smile off my face no matter how hard I try, it's not going to happen.
I would rather not give pout every last little bit of my heart to the wrong person, when I can sit here, wit the little bit of my heart that I actually have left, that's not hurt or broken or betrayed, and wait until I know for sure, then give him my whole heart, knowing he won't take it and be the one to break it.
Basically, I know me better than you do. So do me a favor, and don't go around telling me what to do with my life, just because it works for you. We both already know that what's best for me isn't best for you, and vice versa. I know what's best for me, because I'm the only one who knows exactly what has gone on in my past to make me the way I am. I've changed because of it, and I know exactly the kind of guy that I will end up with. &I hate to break it to you, but you can't just expect me to fall into a relationship, especially just because it would be convenient for you. You can keep going on double dates, I'll stay at home and be a homebody; I've mastered the art very well. I'm just as happy going out with friends, going on dates with a group of people, as I am staying at home with a book, or just hanging out with a friend and chilling, making new friends, trying things I've never done.
My comfort zone is extremely broad, but being thrown into a relationship that I don't want to be a part of, just won't fly. It never has before, and it's not starting anytime soon.
I'm the kind of girl that 'plays hard to get.' Again with the stubbornness! Most people say that it's bad that I do this, but I say that it's the only way to weed out the people in my life who are just kind of there and the ones who actually want to be there. I've been betrayed by so many people, it's a habit to make people prove to me that they want to be in my life, other than just by default.
I feel like a guy needs to chase me. He needs to prove to me that he wants me for me. Yes, I play hard to get, but I don't go so far as to coming across as a lost cause. Confused? Good. I'm doing my job.
"You have pointed out my flaws again, as if I don't already see them."
I know what's wrong with me, so please don't go out of your way to point it out. I laugh at my flaws, because life would suck if I couldn't laugh at things like that.
I'm a confusing person, and there's 'more than meets the eye' with me. Cliche, but it's true.
29 November 2011
28 November 2011
Life Lessons
I have learned so many things tonight. That always happens to me, I realize the most random things when I’m having a good time or when I’m with friends, or just when I’m actually given time to process my thoughts. As if I need any more of that...
+ I SUCK at dating.
+ I know exactly what I want in a guy, but apparently being picky at my age isn’t okay.
+ I would rather meet a guy in a friendly setting and have a good time when him no strings attached before I even think of him romantically.
I would rather just be one of the guys than be the girl on the date that everyone is looking at and judging.
I hate being set up. I’m the kind of girl that meets a guy, gets to know him, THEN thinks of dating him
I need to be with somebody as outgoing and spontaneous and comfortable with the uncomfortable as I am.
When I’m with my friends, we can be extremely overwhelming to deal with and take in
Apparently I’m intimidating...? Not entirely sure about that.
I’ve been so independent for so long, it’s going to take someone very special to be able to accept that and accept me and accept the fact that I don’t need them to do everything for me, or really anything for that matter.
I don’t need anybody, I mean, I need my friends and family, but as to a guy, I don’t NEED someone.
I hate being set up on dates.
I’m so laid back, when people tell me that I’m supposed to be acting a certain way towards someone I may or may not know well, I get really offended.
I love meeting new people.
I prefer guy friends over girl friends; give me two or three really good girl friends, and I’m set. But a girl can never have too many guy friends.
People tell me that at my age, I just need to experiment and have fun. I know how to have fun, without drugs or alcohol or anything of that sort.
People say that I need to give a guy a chance. I’m sorry, and this will probably come across as shallow, but when I meet a guy, I pretty much know right away whether or not I’ll be interested. When I say I’m not interested, the chances of that changing are really low, like, next to impossible.
I’m 19, &never had a real boyfriend. But when I look at a guy, I picture my future, what I want out of life, and what I want to do in the long run,&if he doesn’t fit into the picture, I rule him out quite quickly.
I’m 19 and think of guys with my future in mind. I just don’t see the point in getting his or my hopes up if it’s not for the long run. Why go through the drama of a relationship if it’s not for the long run. and this may sound insane, but at this point, when I say the long run, I mean the LONG RUN. Like, marriage, the proposal, my life, my future, and whether or not I can see myself spending the rest of my life with a person.
I’m so out of my league with most people my age. I spend most of my time with people older than me.
I don’t have a lot of friends, but the ones that I do have are amazing and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.
People always tell me to give things time; the difference between me and most people though? I know, right off the bat, whether it’s what I want or not, whether it will work out or not, and I automatically get the feeling of who is more into whatever it is.
Dating, give it time, you guys may end up like me and my boyfriend! Well, I’m not you, and he’s not your boyfriend. I know what I want in a guy, and if I don’t see those aspects, I’m usually going to rule him out.
They always say that love is friendship on fire. That’s my motto for life. At this point in my life, there are only three different guys that I would even consider going out with, and they’re all my best friends. I’m the kind of girl that works better when there’s no pressure, and things just fall into place.
I would rather be best friends with a guy for years, have him know he can trust me, be able to tell him my secrets, and all in all, just spend time talking, seriously and sarcastically. Then, AND ONLY THEN, would I ever consider dating a guy. Yes, the typical point of dating someone is to get to know them better. But I get to know people better on my own terms.
I hate knowing that I’m going on a date, with someone I don’t know. That’s like telling two people, hey, you can’t find something for yourself, so let me throw you into a situation that is bound to SUCK, and you’ll be totally fine while I sit here with my boyfriend/girlfriend and laugh at you both make complete fools of yourselves.
Thanks for the offer, but I have my own methods of getting to know guys. &It’s not sleeping with a guy I don’t know, or going on blind dates, or being set up with people I don’t know.
Whenever I finally settle down with someone, he is going to have to be just like me, while also being my total opposite. He’s going to have to be one of the most outgoing people I know, he’s going to have to know how to let loose and have fun, he’s going to have to be my shoulder to lean on.
He’s going to have to be my best friend; the one person that I want to tell everything to.
He is going to have to be able to chase me and know that it’s not a lost cause. I have been hurt and betrayed and stabbed in the back by some of the most important people in my life, and that has caused me to run. From everything. I need a man who’s going to be able to prove to me that he wants me in his life, and that there is room for me in his life. He’s going to have to be able to be blunt and completely honest with me, because I’m way too honest. I have a hard time remembering that what I say might actually be taken the wrong way.
I need a guy who is independent from me, but at the end of the day, is okay with just watching movies with me all night and cuddling.
The bottom line of my life, is that I know what I want. I life, in a guy, in my friends, in my career goals. I know all of it. I’m just so different from my friends in so many ways, I sometimes feel like no matter what I do, what I say, who I like, or who I’m friends with, there will always be someone there telling me that there’s a better way to do something, a different way to achieve something.
It’s like they’re telling me that what I know, what I’ve been through, and the hoops I make people jump through just to prove to me that they want me in their lives, aren’t worth it.
Well, to me they are. Because I only want people in my life who will better me, challenge me, who will be able to make me cry, but also be there as a shoulder to cry on. I feel like people are always telling me that I’m not good enough, just because I’m different.
I’m sorry. I really am. But I know what I want. &At the end of the day, I will NOT settle.
+ I SUCK at dating.
+ I know exactly what I want in a guy, but apparently being picky at my age isn’t okay.
+ I would rather meet a guy in a friendly setting and have a good time when him no strings attached before I even think of him romantically.
I would rather just be one of the guys than be the girl on the date that everyone is looking at and judging.
I hate being set up. I’m the kind of girl that meets a guy, gets to know him, THEN thinks of dating him
I need to be with somebody as outgoing and spontaneous and comfortable with the uncomfortable as I am.
When I’m with my friends, we can be extremely overwhelming to deal with and take in
Apparently I’m intimidating...? Not entirely sure about that.
I’ve been so independent for so long, it’s going to take someone very special to be able to accept that and accept me and accept the fact that I don’t need them to do everything for me, or really anything for that matter.
I don’t need anybody, I mean, I need my friends and family, but as to a guy, I don’t NEED someone.
I hate being set up on dates.
I’m so laid back, when people tell me that I’m supposed to be acting a certain way towards someone I may or may not know well, I get really offended.
I love meeting new people.
I prefer guy friends over girl friends; give me two or three really good girl friends, and I’m set. But a girl can never have too many guy friends.
People tell me that at my age, I just need to experiment and have fun. I know how to have fun, without drugs or alcohol or anything of that sort.
People say that I need to give a guy a chance. I’m sorry, and this will probably come across as shallow, but when I meet a guy, I pretty much know right away whether or not I’ll be interested. When I say I’m not interested, the chances of that changing are really low, like, next to impossible.
I’m 19, &never had a real boyfriend. But when I look at a guy, I picture my future, what I want out of life, and what I want to do in the long run,&if he doesn’t fit into the picture, I rule him out quite quickly.
I’m 19 and think of guys with my future in mind. I just don’t see the point in getting his or my hopes up if it’s not for the long run. Why go through the drama of a relationship if it’s not for the long run. and this may sound insane, but at this point, when I say the long run, I mean the LONG RUN. Like, marriage, the proposal, my life, my future, and whether or not I can see myself spending the rest of my life with a person.
I’m so out of my league with most people my age. I spend most of my time with people older than me.
I don’t have a lot of friends, but the ones that I do have are amazing and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.
People always tell me to give things time; the difference between me and most people though? I know, right off the bat, whether it’s what I want or not, whether it will work out or not, and I automatically get the feeling of who is more into whatever it is.
Dating, give it time, you guys may end up like me and my boyfriend! Well, I’m not you, and he’s not your boyfriend. I know what I want in a guy, and if I don’t see those aspects, I’m usually going to rule him out.
They always say that love is friendship on fire. That’s my motto for life. At this point in my life, there are only three different guys that I would even consider going out with, and they’re all my best friends. I’m the kind of girl that works better when there’s no pressure, and things just fall into place.
I would rather be best friends with a guy for years, have him know he can trust me, be able to tell him my secrets, and all in all, just spend time talking, seriously and sarcastically. Then, AND ONLY THEN, would I ever consider dating a guy. Yes, the typical point of dating someone is to get to know them better. But I get to know people better on my own terms.
I hate knowing that I’m going on a date, with someone I don’t know. That’s like telling two people, hey, you can’t find something for yourself, so let me throw you into a situation that is bound to SUCK, and you’ll be totally fine while I sit here with my boyfriend/girlfriend and laugh at you both make complete fools of yourselves.
Thanks for the offer, but I have my own methods of getting to know guys. &It’s not sleeping with a guy I don’t know, or going on blind dates, or being set up with people I don’t know.
Whenever I finally settle down with someone, he is going to have to be just like me, while also being my total opposite. He’s going to have to be one of the most outgoing people I know, he’s going to have to know how to let loose and have fun, he’s going to have to be my shoulder to lean on.
He’s going to have to be my best friend; the one person that I want to tell everything to.
He is going to have to be able to chase me and know that it’s not a lost cause. I have been hurt and betrayed and stabbed in the back by some of the most important people in my life, and that has caused me to run. From everything. I need a man who’s going to be able to prove to me that he wants me in his life, and that there is room for me in his life. He’s going to have to be able to be blunt and completely honest with me, because I’m way too honest. I have a hard time remembering that what I say might actually be taken the wrong way.
I need a guy who is independent from me, but at the end of the day, is okay with just watching movies with me all night and cuddling.
The bottom line of my life, is that I know what I want. I life, in a guy, in my friends, in my career goals. I know all of it. I’m just so different from my friends in so many ways, I sometimes feel like no matter what I do, what I say, who I like, or who I’m friends with, there will always be someone there telling me that there’s a better way to do something, a different way to achieve something.
It’s like they’re telling me that what I know, what I’ve been through, and the hoops I make people jump through just to prove to me that they want me in their lives, aren’t worth it.
Well, to me they are. Because I only want people in my life who will better me, challenge me, who will be able to make me cry, but also be there as a shoulder to cry on. I feel like people are always telling me that I’m not good enough, just because I’m different.
I’m sorry. I really am. But I know what I want. &At the end of the day, I will NOT settle.
26 November 2011
Happy Birthday to... Me?
Weird. I’m a whole year older that I was yesterday, apparently. I
don’t know how it happened, but people kept telling me Happy Birthday
all day today for some reason… Not quite sure what that is about…?
How did I spend my day?
Let’s recap, shall we?
I go to work, and it’s pretty chill. My birthday is announced to EVERY SINGLE COWORKER during huddle. Coooooool, Target. So much for trying to keep it on the DL. :/
+ I find out that my best friend’s boyfriend is trying to set me up with the new guy at work, but he’s too shy to come talk to me. Story of my life. Aha, awesome. Just another one to add to the list.
+ I cashier when I’m supposed to be working in Guest Service.
+ Mental Breakdown.
+ All of my guy friends give me a hard time for this new ‘back room plan.’
+ Jourdan comes in to surprise me with the best present EVER! Thanks Kellyn &Jourdan, I love you both so very much. (:
+ I go on break to see that I have like 9 text messages saying happy birthday.
+ Get off break and get bombarded my PC kiddos. I was informed, by more that 5 people, that PineCreek made it to state! So for that, congratulations to all of you Pine Creekers! (:
+ Go home!!! :D
+ Dinner out with my mom.
+ Time to open presents! (A new photography book!)
+ Reblogging photos on tumblr.
+And well, I guess you’re all up to date. Because now you’re reading this, and this is what I’m currently doing. Well, never mind. Right now you’re reading this, and I’m probably finding way too many MORE picture to reblog. Cool.
Yep, I’m 19. &That’s how I spent my birthday. (:
Thanks to the amazing people that I have in my life : Kellyn, Jourdan, Nicki, Bryson, Zach, Adam, Chelsea, Grace, Sierra, Sabrina, &Chad. You all mean the world to me, and make my life what it is. Thank you for the birthday wishes and for everything you do for me and thank you for putting up with me for as long as you all have! (:
(And thanks to all of the coworkers that wished me a happy birthday today, whether or not we ever really talk!)
How did I spend my day?
Let’s recap, shall we?
I go to work, and it’s pretty chill. My birthday is announced to EVERY SINGLE COWORKER during huddle. Coooooool, Target. So much for trying to keep it on the DL. :/
+ I find out that my best friend’s boyfriend is trying to set me up with the new guy at work, but he’s too shy to come talk to me. Story of my life. Aha, awesome. Just another one to add to the list.
+ I cashier when I’m supposed to be working in Guest Service.
+ Mental Breakdown.
+ All of my guy friends give me a hard time for this new ‘back room plan.’
+ Jourdan comes in to surprise me with the best present EVER! Thanks Kellyn &Jourdan, I love you both so very much. (:
+ I go on break to see that I have like 9 text messages saying happy birthday.
+ Get off break and get bombarded my PC kiddos. I was informed, by more that 5 people, that PineCreek made it to state! So for that, congratulations to all of you Pine Creekers! (:
+ Go home!!! :D
+ Dinner out with my mom.
+ Time to open presents! (A new photography book!)
+ Reblogging photos on tumblr.
+And well, I guess you’re all up to date. Because now you’re reading this, and this is what I’m currently doing. Well, never mind. Right now you’re reading this, and I’m probably finding way too many MORE picture to reblog. Cool.
Yep, I’m 19. &That’s how I spent my birthday. (:
Thanks to the amazing people that I have in my life : Kellyn, Jourdan, Nicki, Bryson, Zach, Adam, Chelsea, Grace, Sierra, Sabrina, &Chad. You all mean the world to me, and make my life what it is. Thank you for the birthday wishes and for everything you do for me and thank you for putting up with me for as long as you all have! (:
(And thanks to all of the coworkers that wished me a happy birthday today, whether or not we ever really talk!)
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