CALL ME A DREAMER

I have too many guy friends to count... Maybe that's why no guys will date me? It is intimidation? Do they fear that just because I have more guy friends than girl friends that I won't be as committed to them? Well too bad nobody knows me well enough to know different, or be told different for that matter... :(

I may hang out with a ton of guys, and I may laugh with them that seems like flirting, but it's really not. And flirting, does it always have to mean that you really like someone? Well, it shouldn't. Part of the fun of being a teenager is being able to flirt with anyone and everyone, regardless of how you really feel about them. I talk and laugh with guys that have broken my friends' hearts, with guys my friends like, and with guys I've never spoken to be in my life. Some people see that has flirting, and that's what loses friends, and makes enemies, and starts stupid rumors, but I just see it as being friendly and knowing how to go with the flow of life.

Besides, if a guy is going to base how I would be as a girlfriend, on how I act when I'm around other guys, maybe I don't want to date them after all. I want to date a guy that will know that I'm his, and that even though I laugh and mess around with other guys doesn't mean that he doesn't have all of my heart.

I'm the kind of person that will fight for what I want until the life fades from inside me. When I see something that I want, I will fight for it whole-heartedly. I want a guy that will fight for me, even if he knows that means giving me the power to break his heart. I want someone to be able to trust me enough to put all of their trust in me and know that I won't betray that. I value, to the highest degree, all of my guy friends, but is it such a bad thing to want more?

I want to be the one that gets hugs before and after class from the guy I've fallen head over heels for. I want to be the one that he can take out with the guys, and not be afraid that I'm going to ruin a good night of fun. I want to be the one that he's proud to show off to his friends. I want to be the girl he can talk to all night long, and never want to stop talking to. I just want a guy to chase me, instead of the other way around.

I want a guy to know that I have so much love to give, I just have to be given a chance. I want a guy to take a chance on me, and be thankful he did. I want to be, for once in my freaking life, the 'girlfriend' that everyone talks about.

Yeah, if only. Welcome to my nightly dreams. Call me a hopeless romantic, I call it too much Taylor Swift :)

SECRETS

"Tell on me


How I'm a total
wreck. Afraid to
Let anyone near.
Afraid they'll see
the real me, not
[Lydia] at all.

I do have friends
but they don't know
me, only someone
I've created to take
my place. Someone
sculpted from ice.

I keep the melted
me bottled up
inside. where no
one can touch her,
until, unbidden, she
comes pouring out.

She puddles then,
upon fear-trodden
ground. I am always
afraid and I am vague
about why. My life
isn't so awful, is it?"


Interpreted from Impulseby Ellen Hopkins



Please, do tell.
What's it like to be pretty? I look around me and see nothing but absolute beauty, and I can't help but wish I were a part of it. I have gorgeous friends, I'm surrounded by amazing guys, and I feel so out of place. I live in a world of beauty, and when I look around, it's then that I notice that I'm the ugly duckling. Even if some people disagree with that statement, sometimes I can't help but feel like I don't belong. I love to stand out, but there are some times I want nothing more than to just blend it. There are so many gorgeous girls that surround me, and they're all the ones that get the guys. They're stunning, inside and out, but they can act like one of the guys, and still get all of the guys. What's so different about them and me? Did I miss a day of school that was all about, 'how to be pretty' or something?! I mean, come on.
I'm not insecure about who I am, but when I look through pictures, I can't help but feel like I won't ever be good enough; for anything. I won't be smart enough, not pretty enough, not funny enough, and not good enough to deserve to be happy, or be good enough to actually get the guy I want.
No, I'm not subtle, and I hate to blend in, but is any of that really a bad thing? My life isn't bad, but sometimes I feel like everybody else has it so easy. This is all nothing but nonsense, but sometimes I feel like a caterpillar in a world of butterflies.
I wake up every morning and ask myself one thing: "Will today be the day I'm enough?"

--LChapdelaine

COUNTLESS RANDOMNESS(:

So, basically, my mom just got the world's greatest computer. It's got a huge ass screen. I just thought I'd share(:

Last night: PC vs FFC basketball game. Greatest night of my life, no joke. People say it all the time, but last night, I have never cheered louder, laughed harder, danced more, and freaked out over nothing more. Last night was the night of all nights, and you would know that if you were at the game, and if you weren't, you have no life. nbd(: Being able to make people laugh, Pulling up next to cute boys [PC basketball players] after the game, and completely embarassing my friends; all the makings of the perfect night, no lie.

Basketball is the best sport. I'm not the kind of girl that really gets into sporting events, but it's a totally different story when it comes to basketball. Something is different inside me than ever before, I just can't place my finger on it. New School? Finally found friends that make me happy without making me feel worthless?

Cute boys that don't make me nervous? Being able to finally be me and having people accept me for just who I am? None of it? All of it? I don't know, &I may never know, but it finally doesn't matter. I have friends that I know will stick by my side through whatever, and I now know that I don't need a boyfriend to be happy. I have more fun with my friends than I do with a guy that likes me. There's no pressure, just fun. It's the way life should be, &it finally is.(:

I feel like I'm on top of the world and I'm completely invincible (sp?). There's something inside of me that has always wanted to come out, and is finally getting the chance to do just that, and I couldn't be happier(: I feel like I can let people in and not have to second guess their motives. I can make friends with new people and accept that they may be better friends for me than the ones I already have, it's already proven true this year. I feel like my life is finally starting to fall into place, where it's supposed to be; where it should have been for the past few years... But hey, you live and you learn, right?! (: I feel like my life is opening up to all new possibilities, which is the greatest feeling. Music, friends, boys, classes , and just life in general. It's all new. It's all so spirited and passionate.

It's all so refreshing.

"We live, we love, we forgive, and never give up, 'cause the days we are given are gifts from above and today we remember to live and to love."

Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today? (: Get out there and live your life; you only get one chance, so why waste it following the rules. Don't waste the time you have now until you're sitting on your death bed asking your self, "what if?"

--KFeldman