SECRETS

"Tell on me


How I'm a total
wreck. Afraid to
Let anyone near.
Afraid they'll see
the real me, not
[Lydia] at all.

I do have friends
but they don't know
me, only someone
I've created to take
my place. Someone
sculpted from ice.

I keep the melted
me bottled up
inside. where no
one can touch her,
until, unbidden, she
comes pouring out.

She puddles then,
upon fear-trodden
ground. I am always
afraid and I am vague
about why. My life
isn't so awful, is it?"


Interpreted from Impulseby Ellen Hopkins



Please, do tell.
What's it like to be pretty? I look around me and see nothing but absolute beauty, and I can't help but wish I were a part of it. I have gorgeous friends, I'm surrounded by amazing guys, and I feel so out of place. I live in a world of beauty, and when I look around, it's then that I notice that I'm the ugly duckling. Even if some people disagree with that statement, sometimes I can't help but feel like I don't belong. I love to stand out, but there are some times I want nothing more than to just blend it. There are so many gorgeous girls that surround me, and they're all the ones that get the guys. They're stunning, inside and out, but they can act like one of the guys, and still get all of the guys. What's so different about them and me? Did I miss a day of school that was all about, 'how to be pretty' or something?! I mean, come on.
I'm not insecure about who I am, but when I look through pictures, I can't help but feel like I won't ever be good enough; for anything. I won't be smart enough, not pretty enough, not funny enough, and not good enough to deserve to be happy, or be good enough to actually get the guy I want.
No, I'm not subtle, and I hate to blend in, but is any of that really a bad thing? My life isn't bad, but sometimes I feel like everybody else has it so easy. This is all nothing but nonsense, but sometimes I feel like a caterpillar in a world of butterflies.
I wake up every morning and ask myself one thing: "Will today be the day I'm enough?"

--LChapdelaine