Do you ever just want to get in your car and drive away?
Not necessarily in order to get from point A to point B,
But just to see where you end up.

Just to see where it is that your heart takes you?
But have you ever gotten in the car, had the key nearly into the ignition and stopped?
Have you ever wondered what that was that was stopping you?
Fear?
Denial?
Anticipation?
The idea that it's too... something?

All the damn time. That's me, all the damn time.
I get into my car and want to just drive, but what is it that actually stops me?
Reality.
Reality hits me, and I get scared.
What will happen if I venture down this road?
Will it take me somewhere I need to be?
Or will something bad happen and make me regret ever getting into the car that late at night?

Like, instead of driving the same drive you drive every day... Instead of always going right, go left and see where it takes you.
In my case, go East, and don't stop. Drive past the towns that are right next to me, and just go.
Don't stop, don't look back. Just do it.
Instead of going through the nothingness that is Falcon, go through Black Forest, on roads that I haven't been down since I was in grade school. Just to see something new, to venture down a road you have yet to try.

I dream about it, day in and day out.
I dream about getting away from here.
Away from this town, away from the people, away from my job.
Just a fresh start somewhere no one knows me.

Somewhere up in the mountains where I can live with the bare minimum, not worrying about being further tainted by the hand of modern day technology.
Get back into hand written letters, memorizing people phone numbers, going to people's houses, dropping by and staying for a spell.
The way that I was raised, I want to get back to that, so bad.
I never thought I would want to live the same way I was raised,
But the further I get from that upbringing, the more I long for the simplicity.

The simplicity of knowing that everyone is friends with everyone. But even if you don't like someone, you can still be civil with them. The idea of actually enjoying the company people can be. The idea of knowing the home phone number of all of your best friends, but always being able to just walk five minutes down the road, knock on the door, and lose track of time just doing things outside.
I'm so sick of everything that is today.
I'm tired of the fact that if you lose your phone, you don't know what to do with yourself.
If you can't update your facebook, twitter, or tumblr everyday, you feel so far out of the loop.
I miss playing outside until dark, and having to call my dad to come pick me up because,even though out neighborhood was beyond safe, the idea of a girl walking alone at night was nearly a crime.
I miss having my horses to just saddle up and right whenever I wanted to. I miss having litters of puppies around me.
I mean, after all, who in this world is a better listener than the pet you grew up with?
Absolutely nobody.

I miss the simplicity of my childhood. It's just that easy. I miss knowing that your group of friends were just that, FRIENDS. Anymore, as soon as you don't agree about something, you're free to move on. Why do so few people feel the need to actually talk about something, and work something out, when disagreeing on a given topic? What ever happened to the beloved for of communication, talking?
Like, actually, sitting down with someone and being able to just talk for hours...?

Honestly, what has this world come to?
They say that you should be the change you wish to see in the world.
But that's really hard to do when this world is full of copycats who won't believe something were it to be permanently tattooed on their forehead.


Seriously, though. I'm still a teenager, but I feel like my life is just pitiful. I mean, were I to die tomorrow, what would I have to show for it? Some funny moments and a few decent memories? That's not good enough anymore. I feel like everyone is meant for so much more, but constantly chasing that little bit of 'better' is so exhausting. If life were a distance race, I would be in last place, that's for darn sure.

I just want my life, to fee again, like it's mine. I'm sick of feeling like I'm living in a dream, because to be honest, at this point, even my dreams, as few and far between as they really are, are much more desirable than being awake.
I'm ready for the tables to flip in my direction and remind me what it was that I've been working for all this time, because anymore, I just don't remember.
And if I can't remember what I wanted when I was five, then really, what's the point.
After all, everything was so pure when you were five;
Everything was possible,
And no dream was out of reach.
The world was literally at the tip of our fingers,
And all I remember wanting,
Was to grow up faster.


Now? I would kill to have those days back. I would do anything, just to have that simplicity and carefree ideal of life back. Anymore, things are just too complicated. And really, how much of it is actually worth it at the end of the day?