PEOPLE JUST PISS ME OFF

I used to think it was a funny little game knowing that wherever I went, it was basically guaranteed that I would see somebody that I knew. Whether it be from school, work, a friend of a friend, or something else of the sort. Yeah, it used to be a betting game as to HOW MANY people I would see in one outing. Now, it's just extremely annoying. I can't go anywhere anymore without seeing SOMEBODY that I know. I've been trying to look at the bright side of staying in CO for another year or two, but lately, it's getting harder and harder to find that 'good thing' to look forward to. I see the same people at work. I see the same people outside of work. I can count my true friends on one hand, and my to make it even better, my brother used to be the one and only person I would ever consider my best friend. Anymore, I feel like we've grown so far apart, I can't even comment on his FB posts or statuses or anything because he'll delete it, not respond, or just be embarrassed by his stupid little sister.

I hate always seeing the same people, always doing the same things, always hearing the same jokes. I always thought I just hated this place, when in reality, I've been getting more and more bored. I would change school because it gave me new people to meet, new things to laugh at, new memories to make, and so much more. But anymore, that just isn't enough.
And on top of it all, my mom is basically giving me the boot, and I have nowhere to go. But when I really think about it, why would I just move to another part of town, when I don't even want to be here? Why not just take my job, and transfer to another state.?
That would give me new everything. New people, New memories, New laughter, New Scenery, New sites to see, New EVERYTHING. Why would I stay here, if I don't want to be here. If I'm going to move out, why not go somewhere that I actually want to be?
Why, if I'm already leaving yet another house, would I stay somewhere I don't even want to be? Why not go somewhere where I can thrive, where I can be whoever I want to be? If I'm going to move, I want to go somewhere like Texas, or Tennessee, or Florida. Somewhere new, somewhere underrated, somewhere... NOT here.

But when I start to think about it even more, it scares me. So much. When I leave, I leave my friends, my family (ha, my one person family), my HOME. I will leave behind all of the people that have made me into the person I am today, I will leave the ones I don't like, along with those that I love. I will leave behind any chances that Colorado has to offer me. I leave behind everything that I've ever known.
In essence, I would be leaving behind, myself. But then again, would I really be losing that much? In distance, comes realization. I would get to find out who will fight to stay in my life, and who has just been in it because it's been convenient.
I think it's about time to start a pros and cons list of whether or not I leave Colorado, for once and for all...? There are so many goods and bads about it either way, I just don't know what to do. And for once in my life, I don't want anyone else's opinion on the matter. I want to make this choice, all on my own. I want to figure out what I want to do, for ME. Not for my mom, not for my dad, not for my brother, not for my friends, and not in fear of what others will think or say about it. I want to make this choice, for me.

Goodnight all you bloggers. I will talk to you soon. (: Sweet Dreams! <3


&As I wrap up just another one of my many rants, I promise that the next post will be happy. It will positive, and uplifting, and cheerful; not negative, and angry, sad and/or teenager-ish.

SOME PEOPLE

I swear, some people just lack normalcy. I mean, what is it with me thinking that some people will just never grow up. Now, don't get me wrong, making sure you keep some kind of naivety and innocence is good, but just flat out refusing to grow up at all is just annoying.
I work with girls that are immature, annoying, and don't know what the hell they are doing. I'm there to get a job done; they are there to get paid to socialize and do nothing. It gets so old when they call each other by Disney princess names, don't know how to do math, and always look to me for approval.

Gah, that's another thing! What is it with people looking to me for approval for the dumbest things?! I mean, come on. No, I don't like him, but what do you expect me to do? Jump over the check lanes and murder you both right then and there in the middle of work? Honestly I could care less what you do with your time, who your friends are, or what he has to say about me. No, I don't like him, but NO, I won't stop being friends with YOU just because of that.

And also, yes, I think you're cute. You ask her to walk with you and then look at me with that puppy do g face... Do you expect me to throw myself at you? Well, sorry, that's not gonna happen. Call me old fashioned, but I think the guy should chase the girl, not the other way around. Before I do anything in pursuit of YOU, you need to show me you're interested. But until that day, I'm happy being single and carefree.

&What is it with people NOT being capable of replying to text messages?! Isn't the point of having texting so you can have another way of communicating with people and not having to call them? What's the point of having a facebook, a twitter, a cell phone, ANY OF IT, if you're not going to utilize it? I really hate people, I really do! It's just so aggravating! I try to make plans, people think I'm overbearing. I try to be a good friend, people think I'm pushy. I try to do the right thing, people judge me.
Is it completely TOO much to ask for to NOT be judged every two seconds. Guys think I'm hot because I'm standoffish; They also think I'm stuck up and snooty because of my standoffishness...? Is that even a word? Guys think I'm a goody two shoes because I don't cuss, I don't drink, and I don't smoke. SUE ME for not wanting to die in the next 5 year!!!

GAH! PEOPLE PISS ME OFF!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_Jnl_OLyiE&feature=related

--CGambardella, DBrinkworth, TThomas, KRedell, and so many others

NOSTALGIA AND OTHER FEELINGS

Have you ever looked back on times you never thought you'd think twice about, just to realize that you do actually miss them? Gah, why does this always happen to me?
I always think somebody is so friendworthy, I let them in, just to let myself get hurt. I trust people I shouldn't just because they seem like the kind of person that is super chill, and just because I want to be able to say that I'm friends with them. And then, my luck, I end up despising them; and all the while, they don't get the memo that I really don't like them.
What is it about me that attracts all the weirdos? I can be mean to the people that I love the most, and they lose their trust in me. Yet when I'm rude to people I really don't like, they just don't seem to get the message that I really don't want to talk to them. EVER.
I take one thing, and turn it into another. And at the same time, I look at something as nothing, when it's the biggest thing. Get it? Good.

I hate saying sorry first. I know I should be the bigger person in any given situation, but I hate putting my ego out of the picture and saying sorry. I hate laying my feelings on the line, just to have people make fun of them, run over them, and use them against me. I hate being the vulnerable one in a situation, and because of that, I don't like to say sorry, even when I know I should. I hate being the one that gets torn up inside over the smallest things, when I know that the other person should care less what happens in the end.

I hate when people look at me after I lay my heart on the line in front of them, tell them what I'm feelings, let them know what I think I should do, and tell them everything about a situation, and have them look at me and say something like, "They're stupid, just forget about it." Obviously, if it was that easy, I would have no problem in life. But, that's NOT how things go. I do one thing, and after the fact, it ends up eating at me for days, weeks, even months afterwards. Something that I hated in the moments, I would give anything to have back. And things that I thought I wanted so badly, I wish had never happened.

I hate PDA. So very much. I can laugh with friends, guys and girls, I can make a complete ass of myself voluntarily, but as soon as it comes to PDA, I freeze, I lock up, and I put my walls right back up, full throttle. I hate giving people hugs in places where I know everybody. I hate holding hands, and kissing? Well, if you can't figure out the answer to that, just leave. RIGHT NOW. Seriously. Affection is for personal use, not to show off to the world. I hate when I see people making out in the middle of a place where there are tons of people around, I mean, you're kidding, right?!

(I always loved your hugs, and whenever I see you giving one to someone else, I secretly wish it were me that you were hugging like that. But here's the thing. I did love your hugs, and maybe I still do, but I don't like getting them in the the middle of work, with peers and coworkers around when I know they're looking on with judgmental eyes. You may not find it awkward, but I do, and probably always will. I miss your hugs so very much, but the sad part is that you will never read this, therefore you will never know this. I miss your hugs, I miss you. I want your hugs, they made me feel safe, and made me happy. The one thing that you will NEVER know, is that in your arms, I felt safest. I felt like I knew what love feels like, how it feels to have somebody that truly cares, and somebody that knows the real me. I'm just not the kind of person to do stuff like that in front of everyone I know. I'm a love in private, not love in public, kind of person. No, I'm not ashamed, I just don't like having everyone watch what is only mine, or used to be. I miss you, so much. &what I fear more than anything, is that I will never get to have another one of your amazing hugs.)

What is it with me being able to spill my guts in writing, but when it comes to actually facing someone, I wimp out and can't find the right words? I know that it's easy for me to write, and when I do, words just flow naturally. Why can't they just come to me when I'm in the moment. Sometimes they do, but when I look back on it, the words that came, usually aren't the ones that I wanted. It's easy for me to say sorry to a blank canvas of nothingness, but when it comes to facing an actual person, my ego gets right back in the way, and I can't bring myself to do it. In my mind, I always want to make things better, but then my mind gets in the way, and I start over thinking everything. For example, I've tried to go to bed three times, and each time I've needed to get back on here to add something, fix something, or rewrite something. I over analyze, over think, and under-do EVERYTHING. I can run a scenario out in my mind, talk myself through it by myself, carry on conversations with myself! Yet when it comes down to it, I can't ever seem to find the right words, when I really need them.
So here it is. I'm sorry. The person that I want to read this probably never will. But I guess this is as close as I will be getting for now.
&Yes, I could easily just write this ONE person a note, but that seems like a wussy way out of things. Like, if I write the note, how will I ever know if this one person actually reads it, or takes one look at it, and throws it away as soon as I'm out of sight? Do you see the terrible things my mind does to me?! In a daily basis?! It's really a problem. I do this. For everything in my life. It's TERRIBLEEE!!!!

And what is the deal with girls being so self conscious when they're alone, but as soon as the guy they like walks into the room, they act like they own the place and like they're best friends with everyone? Honey, I hated you before he walked in, I will hate you when he's here, and I will STILL hate you when he's gone. Just because a guy is around doesn't mean that my feelings toward you will change. Sorry to burst your bubble, but that's just how things go. Learn to deal.

On another note, I hate 99% of the people that come into Target. So very much. I mean, how many people shot by coupons anymore?! Apparently crazy people who have nothing better to do with their time than sit on the couch, cutting hundreds of coupons a day, and storing the in binders. SERIOUSLY?! And what is it with people being convinced that people who work in places like Target are incompetent? I'm sorry I'm only 18, have no college degree, and work in Target because it's a paycheck until I can move onto something better? Come on now, let's get serious.
&Just because a price was 23c off, you're seriously going to ask to see a manager. If you're worried about a quarter, you shouldn't be at target. You should be taking your fancy fanny down to the local dollar store &shopping there. Get a life. Don't come to Target every day of your life. Go find a hobby, have a kid to take up your time, SOMETHING, anything to get your sad butt outta my place of work. Thanks, SO much.
Well, that's my rant for the night. I have a lot to think about, so I get to lay in bed until the thoughts learn to control themselves and let me fall asleep so I can be somewhat rested for work tomorrow.

&&The best part of the whole blog? How many girls would actually have the courage to write this, and then publicly post it for everybody (if anybody) to see it? Very few. The one thing you can always count on from is honesty. I don't really care to save people's feelings. When you ask me something, I will give you my honest answer. And other than that, when I vent, I don't hold back. Clearly.
Sweet Dreams, you fellow bloggers! (: <3

--KGosnell, RBahu, HMills, SWilliams, SLaird, JGarcia, EAlexander

ORIGINALITY? NOT SO 
ORIGINAL

What ever happened to people being their own person? People going around saying they came up with something new, just because that's what everybody else has been doing for the last week.
People walk around like they are the shit, when in reality, they are absolutely no different than everybody else. I see people who go to work or school wearing something that everybody else sees out of fashion. &Yet, within a matter of days, everybody that was just caught saying that it was 'so uncool' or whatever, is wearing the exact same thing that they were bashing less than 72 hours before.
On facebook, one person posts a survey thing, whatever, and before I know it, my news feed is being blown up by everybody doing the exact same thing. The main thing that bothers me though, is the fact that 99% of people don't have the courage to do what they want to do. They have to wait until somebody else does it to see how everyone reacts. And if peers react well, that one person that was terrified of doing their own thing, is now trying to take credit for something they didn't even have the courage to do for themselves in the first place. I'm all for people sticking with their friends, because that's somewhat natural. But I mean, come on.
Our society has become so extremely screwed up, I don't even know what to say about it anymore. I want to get out of here and experience a place where people do things because it's the only way they can survive, they do things because they have honest to God confidence, and they only do things, because they want to. Not just because it's what everybody is doing anymore.
I want to meet people that inspire themselves every day, and don't sit around on the computer, playing video games, camping out on facebook, or myspace, to be find something to inspire them.
I want to meet people who have true drive.
I want nothing more than, at this point in my life, to meet somebody who is comfortable enough in their own skin, they have no problem doing whatever they want to, despite what others think. I want to meet somebody who is willing to put themselves totally out there, even if it means making a total ass of themselves. I want to meet ONE PERSON who is different than your average, run-of-the-mill- 'original' teenager. I want to meet somebody that flip my world upside down, turn it inside out, and completely change my life.
Is that really so much to ask for??

AT A LOSS FOR WORDS

Do you ever have the feeling that you have something to say that could really change something, but when it comes down to it, you just can't put it into words?
Do you ever go through a day, thinking it's nothing out of the ordinary, until you get alone and reflect on the day &realize that you did actually learn something, and in the smallest way, it's made you grow into a better person?
Yup, you guessed it. That day for me was today.


I was just standing around talking to a friend for nearly 2 hours, just catching up on life, drama, boys, and everything in between. But when I got home and got to thinking about it, I realized something during that conversation, even if it wasn't... aware of it. I had a big word I wanted to use, but I can't think of it.
Everybody has quirks, we all tick, we all say the wrong thing at one point or another, and we all screw up. But more than any of that, we are all screwed up.
But then when I got to thinking more about it, there's more to it. That's the thing about my mind. When I realize one thing, it just keeps getting better. It's like one epiphany after another, after another, after another. Everybody has their own issues. Everybody's life is screwed up in one way or another. And the main thing that I realized that I wish everybody would also realize; We all judge people we don't know, based on rumors that are nowhere near the truth, or just from a snap judgement we make. We judge people, when we don't like to be judged by others. We judge others in areas where we have no right to ay kind of judgement.
"The Girl you just called fat? She has been starving herself & has lost over 30lbs. The Boy you called stupid, he has a learning disability & studies over 4hrs a night. The Girl you called ugly? She spends hours putting make-up on hoping people will like her. The Boy you just tripped? He is abused enough at home. There's a lot more to people then you think."
I wish people would read this quote, and realize how true it is. And choose to change how they look at the world because of this quote. It is one of the strongest, and most true, that I've ever read. And trust me when I say that I've read my fair share of quotes in my life. Saying I'm addicted is an understatement.
But seriously, I do believe that one person can change the world, it just has to be the right person, at the right time, with the right intentions, willing to do the wrong thing in order to get the right outcome. Get it? Good.
The bottom line that I'm trying to get at, is the simple fact that you never know who or what you're judging. The person who you're making fun of could be contemplating suicide, while the person you praise could be the person with the most screwed up life of all. The amazing thing about the human race, is that we've all perfected the idea of covering up what is real. That's why we smile through the rough times, we wear makeup to cover the bruises, and put on a show to the world so they don't think twice when you act like 'normal.' We have all perfected the art of pretending. Good or bad? You never know. But the next time you go to make a snap judgement about a person you know nothing about, check yourself and ask yourself if you would want someone to judge you when they have no idea what YOU are going through.




Check out my other blog(:
http://epicbookreviews.tumblr.com/

I'm Getting A Little Bit Stronger

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTowId2CWHA


No, this link does not go to the Sara Evans song, sorry. It goes to something that goes right along with where I am right now. At this very moment. So, enjoy...


Do you ever feel like you're all alone, when you're surrounded by people? Do you ever feel like something is missing, even though to the outside world, it seems as though you have everything? Do you ever feel, like you alone, are the only person who feels this way?


I feel like there is something missing in my life. I have no idea what it might be, but I can feel that there's something missing. A boyfriend? Eh. My friends? Absolutely. But it seems like something more.


I don't have any idea what I want to do, what I want out of life, who I am, what I want to be, or who I want to be. I don't know where I want to go to college, I don't know who my true friends are, I don't know who will really be there for me when I really need it. I don't know who to trust, I don't know who to forgive, and who to forget. I don't know anything anymore, and I don't know how I feel about it. Sometimes I just feel as though I'm just floating from day to day, not even making a difference. That, in my mind, is the worst thing that can happen. The one thing that I want out of life, and this I know for sure, is to make a difference. I don't necessarily want to change the world. 1, because that's extremely cliche. 2, Do you have any idea how hard it would be to POSITIVELY affect every single person in the world?!


I know I want to change the lives of people that seems to have nothing left. I want to be the person that friends look to for hope. I want to be the person that someone can look at and say, 'Even when things fall to pieces, that smile never leaves her face.'
I want to make an impression on the world. I want to travel around the world, I want to go on mission trips with my church, all over the world, not just the country. I WILL travel to every country on the planet, before I die...
I just don't know anymore.
I don't know how to go about that. I don't know if I should go to college first, or try to travel first. Should I try to find that special someone that loves me for me, and then see if he wants to travel with me, or do I travel now, and find him along the way? Do I devote my life to God, or promise my life to my own hopes and dreams, regardless of His plans for me.?
I don't know anymore, and it makes me sad. I have days when I know exactly what I want to do with my life, without a single speck of doubt in my mind. Then, I have days like today, when I just can't make up my mind even if my life depended on it...
:(
I'm terrified of the idea that I will soon start forgetting. I will forget the people that once meant so much to me. I will forget the laughs, and the memories, both good and bad. I will forget the days that made me want to give up, bend over, and just cry until there was nothing left inside me. I don't ever want to forget the times, the people, and the memories that now seem so vitally important. But, I fear that one day, they will all be lost, somewhere in the vast folders of my memories, unable to pull them to the front, to look back on them.


I fear that one day, the people that swore they would never forget me, will forget me. One of my biggest, if not THE biggest, fear that I have, is being forgotten by the people that I won't ever forget. I fear that one day I will look back at the memories from years prior, and just know, that those people, wouldn't look twice at me if they were to see me on the street. I fear that the things that are my life right now, will soon be nothing. 


I want to move on, but I'm terrified. I'm scared to leave all that I know, for something that is completely new, completely unknown, and completely out of my comfort zone. I love change, but only in moderation... I don't like it when I'm thrust into something totally new without knowing anything about what might be coming...
I'm scared, for the first time in forever, of what life has in store for me. Will it be good? Will it make me work for it? Will it land in my lap? But the most important thing that I ask myself every day...? Will the life I was given, give me the power to change the lives of people around me, and more importantly, will it be worth remembering and fighting for?

HEAVY ON THE INSPIRATION


What is one supposed to do, when life is so good, 
that you can't help but wish that the days would never end, and then memories would never fade?


This is the reason that I absolutely love the summer time. I feel like everybody is always in a good mood, even if things aren't going their way. I feel like even when I'm having the worst possible day, there is always something that could be worse, but just knowing that the sun is shining, the weather is warm, and the fact that I have friends despite everything that I am and can be, I know that life is GREAT. I hate the fact that I work at target, because some of my coworkers aren't exactly the nicest people, but then there are the people that never fail to make me smile. I get so tired of them, but just seeing them cheers me up. I love being able to drive around town, with my music blaring, and the wind blowing through my hair. There's just something about summer that is so contagious and I feel untouchable. 

Now, I know that I'm not untouchable or invincible because that's ridiculous. But I LOVE MY LIFE. There aren't even words for it. I laugh louder, I love more, I'm open to more ideas, and I want to do anything and EVERYTHING. I want to be everywhere, yet home and comfortable. I feel like summer is the one time of the year, that people are who they really are. It doesn't matter if people are still 'fake' or 'two faced' I just think that summer is the time that everybody lets loose and goes with the flow. We stop making plans and just do things in the spur of the moment.


I want to tan everyday, work more hours, read every book, and watch every movie, and all of the boys are so much cuter. I want to be everywhere, and do everything. The music gets louder, the beats get faster, and I just can't get enough of it. I feel like during the summer, I'm so much more open to everything. I'm open to new ideas, new thoughts, new songs, new movies, new people, new memories, new EVERYTHING.


What does the heart do when it is overflowing with emotion? It let's it flow out of the eyes. When I'm just so happy and content with life, I feel like I'm going to explode. I feel like I can't contain my happiness, and I just wish that everybody could feel the way I do during the summer. I laugh at everything, I smile at everyone, and even when I talk to people that I usually can't stand, I can't help but enjoy myself. Life is so easy during the summer, I just wish the season would never end. (:
I feel like everything is better when the sun is shining.


On another note, my best frand Kellyn &I just started a new blog. Ha, it's supposed to be all about book reviews, but as she stated in her first post, it will probably just end up with us and our random babblings just like we always do when we're together. We do extremely random things when we're together, such as starting a blog just because we feel like it. I hate to flatter myself (ahem) but the blog is going to just as awesome as we are. It is going to make you laugh, it will make you smile, it might even make you cry. It will introduce you to new books, new ideas, new thoughts, and everything that you never though you would read on a blog.


Well, that's just about all of the rambling I can handle for right now. I don't really even know what I've written because my brain is scattered all over the place. Not literally, duh! But my mind is on so many more things, I can't even stay focused. So, that's all for now, folks!