I used to think it was a funny little game knowing that wherever I went, it was basically guaranteed that I would see somebody that I knew. Whether it be from school, work, a friend of a friend, or something else of the sort. Yeah, it used to be a betting game as to HOW MANY people I would see in one outing. Now, it's just extremely annoying. I can't go anywhere anymore without seeing SOMEBODY that I know. I've been trying to look at the bright side of staying in CO for another year or two, but lately, it's getting harder and harder to find that 'good thing' to look forward to. I see the same people at work. I see the same people outside of work. I can count my true friends on one hand, and my to make it even better, my brother used to be the one and only person I would ever consider my best friend. Anymore, I feel like we've grown so far apart, I can't even comment on his FB posts or statuses or anything because he'll delete it, not respond, or just be embarrassed by his stupid little sister.
I hate always seeing the same people, always doing the same things, always hearing the same jokes. I always thought I just hated this place, when in reality, I've been getting more and more bored. I would change school because it gave me new people to meet, new things to laugh at, new memories to make, and so much more. But anymore, that just isn't enough.
And on top of it all, my mom is basically giving me the boot, and I have nowhere to go. But when I really think about it, why would I just move to another part of town, when I don't even want to be here? Why not just take my job, and transfer to another state.?
That would give me new everything. New people, New memories, New laughter, New Scenery, New sites to see, New EVERYTHING. Why would I stay here, if I don't want to be here. If I'm going to move out, why not go somewhere that I actually want to be?
Why, if I'm already leaving yet another house, would I stay somewhere I don't even want to be? Why not go somewhere where I can thrive, where I can be whoever I want to be? If I'm going to move, I want to go somewhere like Texas, or Tennessee, or Florida. Somewhere new, somewhere underrated, somewhere... NOT here.
But when I start to think about it even more, it scares me. So much. When I leave, I leave my friends, my family (ha, my one person family), my HOME. I will leave behind all of the people that have made me into the person I am today, I will leave the ones I don't like, along with those that I love. I will leave behind any chances that Colorado has to offer me. I leave behind everything that I've ever known.
In essence, I would be leaving behind, myself. But then again, would I really be losing that much? In distance, comes realization. I would get to find out who will fight to stay in my life, and who has just been in it because it's been convenient.
I think it's about time to start a pros and cons list of whether or not I leave Colorado, for once and for all...? There are so many goods and bads about it either way, I just don't know what to do. And for once in my life, I don't want anyone else's opinion on the matter. I want to make this choice, all on my own. I want to figure out what I want to do, for ME. Not for my mom, not for my dad, not for my brother, not for my friends, and not in fear of what others will think or say about it. I want to make this choice, for me.
Goodnight all you bloggers. I will talk to you soon. (: Sweet Dreams! <3
&As I wrap up just another one of my many rants, I promise that the next post will be happy. It will positive, and uplifting, and cheerful; not negative, and angry, sad and/or teenager-ish.
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