Walking Flaw

I take things for what they aren’t.
I over exaggerate everything.
I over analyze basically every situation.
I read too much into things.
I find flaws in everything around me before I find the beauty.
I laugh too loud.
I’m too sarcastic.
I come across as rude to people I don’t know.
I find reasons to hate people because my friends hate them.
I judge people before I know them.
I’m a world class hypocrite.
I judge others for the same flaws that I have.
I don’t know what I want out of life.
I want change but at the same time the thought of it terrifies me.
I have gotten so used to covering up what I really feel, I don’t know how to feel what I feel.
I want people to trust me, even if I don’t trust them.
I retract myself from those around me when the smallest things don’t go the way I want them to.
I hate it when my friends get boyfriends.
All I want at this point is to get out of this town and meet new people.
I suck at staying in touch with people.
I twist things around to they are in my favor.
I hate my job, but I’m too lazy to look for another one.
I don’t like a lot of girls.
I have been told that I come across as abrasive.
I hate the fact that the previous statement has happened more than once.
I know the kind of person that I want to be, I just don’t know HOW.
I don’t see flaws in anyone but myself.
I have low self esteem, but talking to me, most wouldn’t think so.
I’m always afraid of being judged for the things I do, say or how I look.
I suck at being a good friend.
I don’t know how to have friends, keep friends, or be a friend.
I’m a homebody and like spending time alone.
I find it easier to keep a smile on my face than to explain what’s really wrong.
I don’t know how to show my real emotions anymore.
I’ve spent my whole life being strong for those around me, I don’t really know anymore how to be weak.
I believe in love, but I often doubt love believes in me.
I’ve lost the brutally honest person that I used to be. I miss being that person.
I’ve tried so hard to mold myself to the people around me, I’ve lost myself in the process.
Music always manages to say the things I can’t.
I’ve learned to live vicariously through those around me.
I can’t wait to move out and get my own place just so that I can decorate it the way I want to and not have to worry about others having a choice in it.
I want to be hugged and have it last more than 2 seconds.
I am the most insecure and clueless person you will meet.
I don’t want a ‘prince charming.’ I just want someone who will love me at my best and my worst.
I hate being around people that are overly negative.
I want people to look at me and think, ‘wow, she’s really genuine and always finds the good in people, and her heart is pure.’
I want people to want to know me for that reason, and that reason only.
I wish I had a much larger vocabulary than I currently do.
I’ve been hurt and let down by so many, I don’t know how to trust anyone.
I’m really good at faking the things I know others want to see or believe.

In the last 18 years of my life, I’ve found myself and lost myself too many times to count. I’ve had friends, and I’ve had people who have stabbed my in the back. I’ve been let down by those closest to me. I’ve betrayed people myself because of my doubts. I’ve learned too well to hid what I really feel, and to keep to myself what I really think. I’ve learned how to compose myself in public; in the process, I’ve lost ME. I don’t know who I am, where I’m going, or who will be with me through it all.
I myself, am the worlds biggest flaw, a walking train-wreck.
And because that’s all I see, I believe that’s all others see.