SO MUCH TO DO, SO LITTLE TIME


She's so sick of never being beautiful enough. Never being stronger, or better. She's sick of going home everyday, and wishing she was someone else. For once she wants to look in the mirror and be happy for what she sees back. She's so sick of everyone telling her "You can do so much better than that." Maybe she can't? And people talking behind her back. Yeah well she found out. She's sick of people bringing her down and telling her that she isn't good enough. But I guess all she really wants, is to be more than second best

What is it with me always having so much to say? I mean, should anybody ever have this much nonsense going through their head at once? I personally think it should be a crime, but then again not, because I would spend my ENTIRE life in jail, so I guess I take all that back. I'm the kind of person that thinks if somebody wants to know something, they should either have the patience to figure it out, take the time to notice things, or just grow the balls to ask, but anymore, it seems like nobody is capable of any of that.

So, yes, this is going to be a long one. I'm sick of waiting for people to figure things out. I just want to grab you by the shoulders and shake it into you. The facts, the truth, the common sense, the honesty, the loyalty, everything that you don't currently possess, I want to shove it in your face and MAKE you realize exactly what you don't know, but sadly, that still wouldn't be enough.

Why is it that I can feel so much, but rarely actually be able to put words to it?
It all makes sense when it plays over and over in my mind, but then I try to put it on paper, and suddenly, there just aren't enough words, syllables, languages, for me to get it out. Bummer.
Why is it that the pretty people in the world are bound to get further than the 'averages'?
Why is it that whenever I have something pressing to say, there's never somebody around to listen to it?
Why is it that when people don't need to apologize, they are overflowing with plenty of 'sorry's', but when people NEED to apologize, they can't put aside their ego for two seconds, suck it up and say those two harmless syllables? Why am I always the one to apologize for things I didn't do?
Why am I the only one who seems to want to keep the friends I have while making new ones?
Why does everybody think they deserve an apology, when they were in the wrong to start with?

Why is it that I am constantly overflowing with questions, but the world is always lacking the answers?!

I'm so sick of tip toeing around everybody around me. I'm sick of being the only person who even tries to keep my friendships. I'm sick of being the one that everybody tries to take advantage of. I'm sick of being THAT GIRL.
The weather is finally starting to turn, my mood is at an all time high, the music on the radio isn't half bad, for once, and life is good. Er, well, it should be. At this point, I'm ready to fake it until it gets better.
I'm sick, my teachers don't even care anymore, I'm the only person who's ever having a good time, and I'm slowly losing my friends. Good or bad? I'm not entirely sure yet...
I'm ready to just look at everything and just say, "screw it!"
I'm so sick of everything at this point.


"We're all stories in the end."
This is so true, but so sad at the same time. The people we now see as the best friends, or the cute boy in class. When we grow up and have a family and forget all about what we did on Friday nights, we won't remember anything. We will all just be faces in countless memories. We will be stories that will be told to the kids, and then the grand kids. We will all, at some point, be just, that one girl, that one boy. We will all have the things about us that keep us in someone's memory, but we will just be nameless figures in a shadow of recollections. That's all we will ever be.
The people that mattered yesterday, don't matter today. And the people that matter today, won't matter tomorrow. Things change. People change. Either way, life goes on.

Ugh, well, I had so much more on my mind, but I don't want to take the time to write it all down. I guess I just get to go be alone with all of my thoughts now. Awesome. Ha, My thoughts tend to get me into trouble... Oops!

Inspirations?
Life, High School, Fake friends, Graduation, Summer Weather, My Thoughts.

WE LIVE IN A WORLD OF JUDGMENT


I remember when, well, actually a few different accounts of which, I have been heavily judged. Usually it doesn't bother me, because, well, we're all human, and we all judge. But, since when does the library discriminate? Never. But the people that go to the library sure do. Yes, I am a teenager and I have a tattoo, so what? Since when does that automatically mean that I sleep around, or do drugs, or anything else that just goes with the stereotype? It's amazing. As soon as I walked in, I could feel people looking at me, and usually it doesn't bother me. But with my tattoo being across my shoulder blades, I usually forget that it's there, so I got dressed and didn't even think about the fact that my shirt was low in the back and my tattoo was showing.

On the other account... I went to the store to pick something up, but I had no make up on. Just a few years ago, I had no problem waking up, taking a shower, throwing my hair in a bun and going out all day, but anymore, society is getting more and more harsh by the day. I go out with no makeup, and people stare. I go out WITH makeup, and people stare. I go out in sweats, and people stare. Anymore, there's just no winning. Why is it that society pretends to be accepting, but the world is nothing but hypocrisy. People say that they will accept you, but if you do something that isn't 'normal' then everything changes. This world is getting worse and worse, and at this rate, it won't get any better, any time soon.

If you wear makeup, you're a slut; if you don't, you're poor.
If you wear nice clothes, you're stuck up; if you wear sweats, you don't care enough.
If you have tattoo(s), you MUST do drugs; if you don't, you're a pansy.
If you have piercings, you sleep around; if you don't, you're naive.

Anymore, with society, if you have one thing, you're seen one way, but if you don't have it, you're the total opposite. If you do one thing, you can't do the other, EVER. If you dress one way, you're seen one way, but if you change it just slightly, you're seen a total different way. Society says that you will always be accepted, but when it comes down to it, if you don't do something they way they want you to do it, you will never be accepted. In today's society, you will always be judged. You can't win. EVER.

WHAT HAPPENED TO
THE RESPECT?

Call me old fashioned, but when did it become okay for guys to go around harassing girls, making fun of them, hurting them, and all around disrespecting them? Yes I believe you have to give respect in order to get it, but when did this huge change occur?
I need to know this because I sure wasn't present at that meeting.
I remember when guys would hold doors open for girls, when they would call us ma'am and miss. I remember when guys would bend over backwards to please a girl. What changed?
"Ahh, there you are my giant friend."
I'm sorry, but when did comments like THIS become socially accepted when it's known everywhere that girls always relate just about everything to their weight...
I mean, come one guys, you have to have SOME common sense left somewhere!

I believe that a guy should have nothing but good things to say about women. I believe that if a man genuinely respects his mother, he will respect every woman figure in his life, especially a sister, girlfriend, or wife. I believe that the only men these days that have those traits are military personnel. This, this is the reason that I am so particular as to who I date. Yes, I will be friends with just about anybody, until they choose to disrespect me over and over again, then that will be the end of the friendship.I think that everybody deserves respect, even if they don't give it, but don't get me wrong, it's only to a certain extent. I will be respectful and honest until they choose to take my trust and respect for said person, and take advantage of it, them you no longer have my respect.

My mom and I spent a few hours last night talking, and I realized several things about myself.
1. I am very picky when it comes to certain things.
2.I will marry a guy that is either a marine or in the army. Or a European man, or a black man that was raised the RIGHT way.
3. People will come and go throughout your life. Some stay for a lifetime, some only stay for a short while, but it all happens for a reason. You're brought into their life to teach them something, of they're thrust into your life to show you something. It may hurt when it's time for them to leave, but as long as you always remember that people come and go, but life goes on, you will make it through.
4. I hate to admit this, but there was a reason for my stupid, former step father to be in my life; he taught me that respect is one thing that will get you far in life, and in order to get it, you have to be willing to give it.
5. I may be friendly with a lot of people, but I can count my TRUE friends on one hand. I used to think it was a bad thing, but I now know that it's not. I only trust certain people, and I only tell certain people, certain things. I trust everybody to a certain extent, but when it comes to my real secrets that I'm afraid of anybody knowing, there are only a select few that I trust them with.
6. I'm not like everybody I know. Not by a long shot. Yes, I have the typical teen similarities, but that's not what I'm talking about. I don't want to go to college, not right away at least. I want to save money, and then I WILL travel. I know a lot of people have that on their bucket list: travel/see the world. But the difference between me, and them? I'm actually going to do it. I refuse to stay in this country my whole life, when there's literally a world out there just waiting for me to see it.

So, yeah, just a few things. haha.

But back to the main topic...
When did it become socially acceptable to disrespect any person? I don't see it as okay at all, I don't care how old, what race, or what reasoning you have to be rude, I don't see the point in it. Cliche, but why can't we all just get along? Just get over the trivial stuff and just get along.

UGH, FML

Yes, I am 18, &yes, I have braces. Get the hell over it already! I've had them for the past two years, and I have to have them for one more. Yes, it sucks, but to be frank, I don't care what you say. I forget the fact that I have them, until someone like you manages to bring it up, and then I feel like crap about myself.
I have braces, cool. You have a gap, great. We all have imperfections, get over it.

I love my life, don't get me wrong, but why is is that as soon as one thing goes wrong, that's when the universe just decides to pile in everything else that could go wrong, all into one incredibly terrible day? I mean, why can't it all just happen slowly? Why does it all have to be piled into one day, so that it takes weeks and weeks to recover from?
&the worst part is that it's not even necessarily life, it's my mind. When I get alone, my mind races about too many things all at once, and then reality hits me like a ton of bricks.
I'm broke. I have less than $200 in the bank. I have to pay for gas &car insurance. I'm only working three days a week. I have minimal income. I can't seem to find a new job. I need new work clothes but have no money to buy any. I want new sunglasses. I'm addicted to spending money, even when I have none, and every day it just gets worse. I have NO money at all, I owe my mom nearly $300, and I'm so screwed!!!!
I can't even explain. I know this sounds selfish, but I wish I would just fall into money and there be no catches to it at all. I wish I could win the lottery, get a new job that pays like crazy, get a job that's easy and that I love, that I could work 30 hours a week, and NOT fall behind in my school work.
I just don't know what to do anymore. It seems like anymore, I'm not enough. I don't have enough money, I don't have enough clothes, I don't have enough time, I don't have enough of a brain, I don't have enough patience, I don't have the looks, I've lost my true personality. &so much more.
I'm lost. I'm suffocating in my life. That's sad to say, but there's nothing new for me. I'm dying a slow death living in this place. There are no new friends, no new adventures, and I always get stuck being the chauffeur with nobody willing to help out with gas or any other costs. I won't have presents for my friends, and I feel terrible.
I'm suffocating in more ways than one. My friends seem to be disappearing buy the day, my money is going my the second, and my dreams are going my the day.
I feel like I'm never good enough. I spend hours, days, months, YEARS trying to be average, but I still can't reach that. I feel like I'm drowning in this life, and even when I'm swimming with all of my strength, the chains on my ankles are stronger than I ever could be. I'm at the point of being... dare I say, hopeless.
When I wake up in the morning, I won't feel like this, but I do right now. Someone needs to save me, from... ME. I will be the death of myself. I'm my worst critic, I'm the meanest person to me, and I'm too hard on myself. I'm not used to being bad at everything, so this is new.
The three classes that I'm currently failing, are the three classes I need to graduate. I'm screwed in more way than one. I know I will pull it off, I have to. I just don't know how I'm going to do that...

I feel like I'm living in a sea of opportunities, but I'm the last fish in line for any of them... I just don't know what I'm doing anymore. I'm lost, with no direction to follow.

--JGarcia, Myself

FEAR

"i wish i wasn't so fearful."
The only thing that I think we should fear, is fear itself. So many people go through life fearing so many things, eventually they let the simple idea of fear, completely consume their life.
The only things in life that I fear in life, is not having a fulfilling life. There is so much that I want to do, I fear that there is not enough time to do all of it. But other than that, I fear falling in love [with the wrong person or at the wrong time], being in the wrong place at the wrong time &ending up missing a very important thing that I needed to witness.
My life will be all over the place, and sometimes I fear that it will interfere with His plan for me, but then I have to remind myself; it's not interfering with His plan, if it IS His plan. I believe that everything in my life has already been predetermined. There are so many people that live their life safely because they fear the inevitable.
I think fear is a ridiculous concept, and it's just an excuse for people to not want to live their lives to the full potential they were made for...

Just a thought...

OVER-
INSPIRED

There is just so much to talk about, my mind is about to explode! My mind won't stop racing, my mouth can't stop moving, my body can't stop twitching, and my fingers can't type it all fast enough.

I'm rediscovering who I was last year and every day it gets harder and harder for me to remember why I changed in the first place. High school is suck a fake place to be. People are over dramatic, rude, self centered, selfish, backstabbing, short tempered, and not even close to understanding. They're all so quick to believe something that's not even partially true. People take sides of a fight that shouldn't be a fight at all. Friends take misunderstanding, and stop talking to each other based on what someone else said or did.
I miss being the me that was loud &obnoxious. I miss being outspoken. I miss being able to stand my ground. I miss having people's respect. I miss honest friends. I miss having people around me that wanted to know what was wrong when they asked, not just asking because they felt obligated to. I miss being able to be me, and having people love me for exactly that. Anymore, I feel more and more artificial. I feel like I have to dress a certain way, be friends with certain people, talk a certain way, and do certain things. Maybe it's Pine Creek, maybe it's just high school. But after talking to an old friend who told me that I AM allowed to speak my mind, stand up for what I believe in, and make people mad, it made me ask myself why exactly have I spend this much of my SENIOR YEAR walking on egg shells just to please everyone around me, when I'm no longer happy.
Friends get mad at me for 'walking away' or for not going to class? Like, really?! Yes, it's called walking away to avoid a potential fight, which then gets turned into a huge fight in which we don't even talk to each other. It's like middle school all over again. AWESOME!
I say I will go to class, but then decide against it. What's the point of me going to a class when I have nothing to do, I have a 95% in there, and I have no other homework to do. Sue me, but I see driving all the way to school just so that you don't have to sit in class alone because you don't know how to make friends kind of pathetic. Yes, I love you; we've been friends since before I can remember, but honestly. Make new friends, venture out of your comfort zone, life will be much harder if you don't.
I'm sick of having friends that make me feel bad, guilt trip me, take advantage of me, and try to walk all over me. I'm done with it. Do whatever you want with your other friends, but you're done screwing me over. RIGHT NOW.
I need more laid back friends! I mean, it's so stupid when people get mad at you for things like not playing games made for five year olds and getting mad for not going to class. My mom has no problem with me not going, so why do you? I mean, come on!
Did none of you grow up at all?! Grow up, get over, and move one. People will do worse things than that in life, and if you're going to get mad at the trivial things like that, then I guarantee life will be hella hard for you once you get thrust into the real world. Have fun with that one! I'm sick of immature friends that make me feel bad for stupid things. I need friends who can say what they feel, and laugh at their own mistakes. I need friends who just want to have a good time &have no problem making last minute plans. I need friends who are just as carefree and obnoxious as I am...
I'm done. With it all. It's stupid and such a waste of time. You don't like it, grow a pair and tell me. That way we can just get over it and move one.
I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I need to surround myself with people who know how to have a good time, don't get hung up on the little things, and are careless &carefree. I need a road trip, desperately! I want the California weather, laughter of my friends, and way too much sunshine.


I need out of High School, or better yet, AMERICA! I want to go to Europe or Australia. I want to learn a new language, I want to ride an elephant, I want to experience new things, learn about a different religion, work for a nonprofit organization, and SO MUCH MORE. I know I always tell people around me to enjoy today, and embrace the things that are going on right now, but at this point, I need out of high school. I'm sick of the fake people, the stupid drama, and the immature 'friends' that I've come to make. I want to drive across the country, I want to visit every continent, I want to have a chalk fight, I want to make a music video, I want to meet people like Ghandi and Lauren Conrad. My mind is dehydrated of knowledge; relevant knowledge. I'm sick of the stupid things I learn in the classroom that I retain for a week just so I can pass a test, and then forget it. I want to learn about things that can change my life. I want to do things that will change somebody else's life. I want to change the WORLD.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9tJW9MDs2M
That's really ambitious for an 18 year old to say, but I do. I hate what the world has come to, and I know there is so much potential, but I think 99% of it goes unnoticed. I want to travel the world and photograph it all. I want to go where few have gone before. I want to go into the African Sahara and meet face to face with a deadly lion. I want to go on a Safari and see all of the animals I only see in zoos. I want to write articles that can change someone's perspective on things. I want to do so many things, I can't even contain myself anymore.
Society expects me to go to college right after high school. Well, that idea is not for me, and I now know that. I will go to college... Eventually. But I'm going to travel the world and live out my dreams before I put first what society expects of me.

And what's the deal with music lately?! I mean, anymore, I turn on the radio and all I hear is a different version of the exact same thing. Different lyrics, yes, but the same idea. Music has lost most of it's meaning, and it's lost its passion. Plus, what's the deal with singers?
I mean, I can listen to one song by one artist, but if a different artist suddenly does the same song, people can't stand it. I mean, shouldn't music be about the lyrics? There are so many different artists that I find somewhat annoying but when I listen to the lyrics they sing about, that's when I realize that they're not nearly as bad as I thought before.
Just a few days ago, I was on YouTube and a new Justin Bieber song came up on the sidebar of related songs, and I clicked on it. Usually I wouldn't have because his voice I find somewhat annoying, and the fact that he's like ,15 and already has a memoir out, I just find that absolutely ridiculous. But the song that I clicked on I had seen posted on a friend's Facebook wall, so I listed to it. As I was listening to it and watching the video, I realized that that song was what music should be about. It should be about something that touches your heart, it should have lyrics that has the power to give you goosebumps, and should have the power to make you think about something besides your life for 3 minutes. I still find his voice kind of irritating, but because of that song, I have given his music a chance.
But if you compare that JB song to other songs to other songs that are big, most other songs are about things that are stupid and does nothing but put pleasure into your ears for a few seconds. I believe that this is exactly why very few actually listen to the radio anymore, because all of the stations play the same songs, and I get tired of hearing the same songs every two seconds.
Shouldn't music be purely about loving the art, no matter who the artist is? I have friends who get so opinionated about artists, it get's irritating. So you don't like her voice, then don't listen to her music. So you hate his personality that is we know only because of the tabloids? Then don't buy his latest CDs. Common sense people! Let's start using a little of it, yeah?

Yeah, so just a few things on my mind, and the best part? This isn't even half of it. HA


--SWilliams, SLaird, KFeldman

MAD WITHOUT CAUSE

So, what is the point of having birthday parties anymore? I means, yeah, when it's from the ages of birth to like, 12, sure, but beyond that is pushing it.
So, what do you think of the idea of turning 18 and having a party? I think it's ridiculous. I mean, ask friends over to hang out, make plans with friends to go see a movie, whatever! But does it really need the title of 'birthday party'? It makes us sound like we're 5 years old again.
Okay, moving on... Well, kind of.
I go to your little gathering, and since I'm not friends with the mass majority of people you invited, I decide to leave. Either I leave and you can carry on in peace, or I sit in the corner, talking to only one person, and you feel bad because I'm not talking.
Yes, I do understand the concept of your friend don't bite. Yes, I have talked to them before. It's just weird for me to pretend for a night that I'm best friends with them all, when in reality, I won't speak to any of them past graduation.
I went to the party because it meant a lot to you, but I chose to leave because I felt like I was being little Betty Buzz Kill, and I didn't want to be the reason that you don't enjoy your party...
But, now you're not talking to me, all because I left early?
Come On!!!! That's so juvenile!
I left because I felt so out of place. So sue me for leaving an awkward situation and not trying to make it worse. Maybe if I hadn't gone at all, it would have been fine. Yeah, not wasted my $8 on you that I did, not wished you a happy birthday, not shown up at all. Yes, that would have been so much better.

Plus, why are you mad at me?! I left with Kellyn and Alice after being there for like 2 hours and you're not mad at either of them, just me. Erik was there for like 5 minutes and you're not mad at him, just me! I'm sorry, but I don't see the point in all of this.
You're being so ridiculous and you feel sorry for yourself. I mean come on, you should be happy that I even went. I could have chosen to just not show up, and you wouldn't have been mad at me.
But I'm the one person that you think you can get mad at, and will do anything to be friends again, well babe, I hate to break it to you, but not anymore. You want to be mad at me for absolutely no reason. Awesome, go for it. I have other friends that I can hang out with. I just hope before graduation that you realize just how stupid this whole thing is and decide to grow up a little and just get over it.

--SWilliams

IT ALL FADES

"You want the truth? Well, here it is. Eventually, you forget it all. First, you forget everything you learned - the dates of wars and Pythagorean theorem. You especially forget everything you didn't really learn, but just memorized the night before. You forget the names of all but one or two of your favorite teachers; and eventually you forget those, too. You forget your junior year class schedule and where you used to sit, and your best friend's home phone number and the lyrics to that song you must have played a million times. And eventually, but slowly, you forget your humiliations - even the ones that seemed indelible just fade away. You forget who was cool and who was not, who was pretty, smart, athletic, and not. Who went to a good college, who threw the best parties, who had the most friends - you forget all of them. Even the ones you said you loved, and the ones you actually did. They're the last to go...."

Again, one of my friends posted this, and it's so true. This isn't what I was originally going to write about, but I read this, &it ties in really well. Some day, we will all forget the stupid things that seem so important to us all now. We will forget who was friends with who, &who were the cool kids versus who were the school loners. We will forget those memories that we think will stick with us until we die. We will lose friends, and forget about them. We will forget the things that once made us laugh, and we will forget about all of the things that seem so vital today.

Lately, people at work seem to hate me. For what reason? I'm not entirely sure. Well, that's a lie. I told something to someone that was completely true. I have proof of it, but words were said, things were blown out of proportion, and someone believed her lies over my honestly. They told people that I was 'friends' with, and now they are no longer talking to me either. Some friends, huh?!

"those are the people living in there parent's basement eating Cheetos at age 35 when we have 6 figure jobs :P"
Don't you just love it when you vent to a friend, &this is what they come back with?! I miss having friends like this around. All of my friends anymore just try to comfort me with 'I'm sorry' and 'Just move on...'
No, that's stupid &annoying. I like having friends that tell it like it is. It's a total breath of fresh air(:

But there's so much drama at work, it's just so exhausting! I just want everybody to let it go, get over it, grow up, &move on. But apparently, for them, that's asking way too much! I mean, really?! The only thing you have to do, is talk about me? Get a life, I mean, really. I'm not that interesting, and you talking crap about me to my friends isn't doing anything for you in the friendship department. You want to be friends with me? Yeah right! That boat sailed a long ass time ago, &baby, you missed it, but a LONG shot.
But they beauty of it all? A few years down the road, I will look back and laugh at the memory. I will look back and realize just how stupid everybody is being, and realize that Karma will visit them, and probably won't be too nice to them. And a few years after that, I will forget.
I will forget all of these insignificant people. I will become a somebody, &look back asking themselves, 'Why was I such an ass to her?'
But in reality, I won't think of them once they are out of my life. They just have nothing better to do with their life, than talk about me. 24/7. I mean, come on, grow up &just get over it already.
Someday, I will make something of myself, and will live the life you can only dream of. Have fun, mooching off your mom until you die, and have fun being the 40 year old virgin that everybody hates. (: I'm moving onto bigger &better things, have fun staying in the high school mentality, for the rest of eternity.

--BCovington, DZimkas, LSpeight, RBahu, KGosnell

INSPIRE ME

There's nothing better than reading, hearing about, or witnessing something that is truly inspiring. If it gives me chills, and it can make me smile, then it's a good story. I love the stories that you always hear about in fairytales, but rarely in real life, because then when you do experience it in real life, you can't help but feel good.

Yes, I am beyond a hopeless romantic. I love, love. I love, love stories. I love the happily ever after. I love seeing guys that want to be the prince charming, but always go after the wrong girls that don't appreciate that they are in the midst of a love story that so many girls would kill for.

I love hearing about the stories that have next to impossible outcomes, but somehow end up turning out. I love seeing pictures of the guys I know, being the kind of guy that so many girls fall asleep dreaming about.

To me, there's nothing better than finding that one person that can see the cheesy, cliche, and hopeless optimism in you, but they choose to love you despite what anybody else thinks or has to say about it.I love seeing teenagers, who at my age, never would have thought that they could get the fairy tale that we all grew up hearing about, but they're the ones that end up right in the middle of one.

I love seeing my friends, being treated like princesses, and like they deserve the world. I just hope, that one day, I can find the guy that will treat me like that. I want to fall head over heels. I want to go against all odds in a romance, and come out on top, or even at the bottom, but having spent some time at the top. I want to go through a whirlwind romance, I want to be swept off my feet, I want people to look at me when I'm smiling and wonder, 'what is she smiling so much about?'

I love seeing love. I just hope that one day, I will get to live through something so incredibly life changing.

I love to be inspired, because when I am, I feel invincible, like nothing can be said or done, that will make me lose faith. I want to do something during my lifetime, that will change somebody else's life. I want to go against what society expects, but still make my mark on the world.

I want to do so much with my life. I want to be able to talk to someone, and have them be inspired, just by hearing what I want to do, and who I want to become. I want someone to take the time &sit with me, and just talk for hours, and have absolutely no judgment. I want to tell somebody about all of my ambitions. I want to tell somebody what I want to do, and have them want to do something just as big with their life.

I want to be inspired by life, and I want to inspire somebody's life.

MAKING PLANS

The Back-up Plan::: New favorite movie! Every time I watch it I can't help but want that kind of relationship! I'm telling you, it's not good for the single hopeless romantic in the world. Ha
It's the relationship that I want to find, to a tee. Everything I want, this movie has, well, minus me getting pregnant before meeting the guy of my dreams.

During the movie though, Alex O'Loughlin's character says something along the lines of, "I'm good at idea, just not good at making them happen."
I feel like that lines describes my life so perfectly! I have a billion different ideas about everything, I just don't always know how to execute them so that they turn out just as well in reality as they do in my mind.

There's a quote that I always say because I think it's so true. It's that we all get bored with out lives and what we're doing, so we go ahead and make plans, and as soon as we do, then life happens. Plans go awry, things go wrong, good things fall out of place so better things can fall into place. As soon as we try to take control of our lives, fate decides it has a different plan for us all. We get bored, so we think that we have to take control of our own lives, when in reality, we all have a destined path for us preset before we're even conceived... Well, that's my opinion at least.

But lately, I've realized that I'm really good at making plans, it's just the carrying out of those plans that I sometimes wonder about. I have so many ideas, about so many things, but it's usually trivial things like money or time that end up getting in the way of those plans, which makes me wonder if I was even supposed to end up carrying out those plans or not. I'm very ambitious, and I know exactly what I want out of life, and I refuse to leave this world until I've done them all. But when it comes to actually making those plans happen, that's when I worry.

I'm good at living in the moment, because I've realized something lately; I hate planning things for more than like 2 days out, because I usually end up forgetting about them, and then I plan something else, which then gets me in trouble with work, friends, or babysitting. I'm good at spontaneous, hell, I'm PRO at spontaneous. I love the feeling of a friends texting me about something, and then 20 minutes later it's happening. There's a certain kind of rush that goes with it, and that's the kind of feeling that I strive for.

So, yeah, that's really all this post is about. I'm really good at ideas, but when it comes to carrying those plans out, that's where I sometimes fall a little flat... Yeah, I'm working to change that because I can't go through life, not knowing how to make plans, and actually sticking to them...

BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF

I'm sorry, but did I miss the day in school this past week that taught everybody to take advantage of the friend that will do anything for just about anybody? Because it seems like lately everybody has been treating everybody like crap.
Yes, I'm the kind of person that will bend over backwards for a friend to help them out, whether it be for a ride somewhere, money for lunch, help making plans, or just taking time out of my day to help out a friend just for the cause... But either way, it seems to me like every one of my friends has been using me, and every day it just keeps getting worse.
I went to lunch with a group of friends the other day. I offered to buy a friend lunch because he didn't have money, &I knew that he would pay me back every penny of it.
Another friend walks up to me &asks to borrow $10. I didn't think much of it, so I said sure &forked over ten bucks.
Then I end up being the one to drive everybody all over town that day, using nearly a half tank of gas (which isn't cheap, I might add), I was volunteered by another friend to treat everybody to drinks, then causing me to drive back across town because water is no longer good enough for teenagers to drink, I ended up buy another friend lunch... &just keep in mind, this is all in the matter of like 2 hours.
Then today, I go to a school function that has an entrance fee of $3. The friend didn't have money, so I told her I could cover her, knowing that she would pay me back in a day or two. Another friend calls me from outside as I'm sitting inside, and asks to borrow $3 because she didn't realize there was a cover fee. Again, going back to the whole, just being generous and always willing to help out a friend, I walk out to her with my $20 and give it to her, it being the only bill that I have left in my wallet, from loaning out money to other friends.
As I go up to give it to her, I see she's with someone else, and that other girl turns to me &starts thanking me.
"Uh, am I paying for you too?"
"Yes!!!"

I turn to my first friend with a look of bewilderment, and then she says, "Oh, and then there's Casey &three other people too! Thanks Lydia, that's all."

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?! I said I would cover YOUR entrance, not fucking half of the school! Fine, use my money to pay for them to get in, but I'm holding YOU accountable for all of it. If they don't pay you, fine, I could care less. No matter what, you're paying me $20 whether it comes from just you, or everybody I ended up paying for. YOU'RE the one I'm going to freak out on if I don't have it in like 2 days. I need that money.
Yes, I carry cash on me. There's a reason. Yes, I have a job, there's a reason. I have a job because I'm responsible and know that I have to pay for everything myself. Everything for ME, not for you and all of your so called friends. I carry cash because using a card gets me in way too much trouble. I don't keep cash because I'm made of money; I make MINIMUM WAGE! You need more money? Go get another fucking job.
I'm sick &tired of being the little bank for everyone that they can just go to whenever they don't feel like carrying the necessary cash.
After today, I vow to not pay for friends lunches or anything else. If they don't have money, they're not eating. If they don't have money, they're not getting in. I'm not longer the never ending bank of Lydia.
Friends &money are two things that should never cross paths.
I have a running tab for over 5 friends, and the total is nearly $50. I will bug every single one of them until I get every penny of it that they owe me, and once that is all done and over with, I'm done with lending money. I'll be happy to help out in any way, but when it comes to money, that is one thing that doesn't mix well with friends.

GAHHH!!! Stupid fucking people who only hang around me for the convenience of my cash, well, this looks like the end of a 'friendship.' I was (not so) nice knowing you. GOODBYE!

--KFeldman, TEaton, Emily, BBurrell, EWinland, ICollier, ASottosanti