What ever happened to true, honest to God friendship. What ever happened to meeting somebody on the playground, and they're your best friend for literally your whole life. What ever happened to friends being able to argue, and still be friends?
I hate the feeling that nothing is anymore what it used to be or should be. I know that I am very old fashioned and into the vintage things in life, but is that really a bad thing?
What ever happened to the true love stories in life? What ever happened to happily ever after? What ever happened to people having hopes &dreams &aspirations in life? When did it become a crime for people to want to be their own person, and standing by that, whatever it was.?
I know exactly the kind of life I want to live, the friends I need, the things I want to see happen, the things I WILL accomplish, &the things that I want to see change. I just don't know how to make it happen. Sometimes I ask myself if it's even worth it.
I have my dreams, I know what I want out of life, but honestly, is it even possible? I am one of the post inspired people you will ever meet. You might not think so, and it might not always show, but it's true. I want so much out of this life, every day I spend sitting around this town, I just see it as wasted time that I will never get back. And the part that breaks my heart the most is the fact that at this point in my life, I can't really do anything about it.
But then again, I know exactly what my problem is. It's two little letters &it's been there my whole life, and it will always be there. It's ME. I'm critical, I'm cynical, I'm contradictory, I doubt myself, I believe I'm untouchable. I am my own best friend &my own worst enemy. I am the only one that can make my dreams come true, and at the same time, and I the ONLY person who can get in my own way.
I accuse others of being the bad person, when it's me. I want to be the kind of person who follows their heart in every choice, but in reality, my brain overrules everything in my life. I over think everything. LITERALLY. Whether it be a little thing or a life changing decision, I can't just go with my heart, or my gut for that matter. I have to weigh the pros and cons of it all, and see in the end which one will end up getting me the better result.
I want the perfect life, but when it comes down to it, there's no such thing. I want to find the perfect guy for me, I want to find the perfect best friend, I want to have the perfect life. In my mind it's possible, but then my overactive mind gets in the way. I want to find the friend that will love me what with all of my flaws and imperfections. I want to find a friend that is just as spontaneous as me. I want to find a guy that will love me for me, and challenge me in every day life. I want to find those people that can make me a better person every day, and still push me to change myself, never loose sight of my dreams, and be able to put up with me when my self esteem is at an all time low.
I push people away, I second guess things that should be left alone, I dream too big, I love too much, and I have too much passion. They're all a mixture of good and bad. I just haven't found a way (yet) to find the perfect balance for all of this nonsense called LIFE.
&Just for your viewing pleasure, another picture(: Sadly though, I didn't take it. I wish I did, but I didn't.
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