!@#$%^&*()

Yeah, that basically sums up today. It was amazing and then it turned straight to crap. I was having the time of my life, then I found myself on the verge of a mental breakdown. I kid you not I'm so tired of being a girl. AND I'M NOT EVEN ON MY PERIOD!
I went up the the lake today with a friend, and she told me that she invited one of her guy friends, and he was bringing a friend. I have absolutely no problem with it because to be honest, I prefer to be in a coed group versus a group of just girls... It's just easier.
But then there's the exception to the rule. I don't like being in a group with one other girl, and two other guys, especially when my GIRL friend and one of the guys are all over each other all the time, and the second guy is king of awkwardness.
The day was going really well when we were all just hanging out as friends... But then the two of them had to get all mushy.
That's one thing that I hate about any friends that I have. It's like, yo, hun, we've been friends for years, &you met him like a month ago, and you're going to ditch me for him? SERIOUSLY?! That's why I don't have a lot of friends (Yes, it is by choice, and Yes, that is the reason). I hate when I get ditched by friends so they can hang out with someone they hardly know, and then come running back to me when it doesn't work out the way they want it to.
And the thing that really gets to me?! The fact that guys have no problem hitting on me until ANY friend of mine walks up and suddenly I might as well just be another rock on the road that they won't eve notice again. This is another reason that I've become such a home body. No, I may not be the skinniest or most fit girl, but honestly, who cares?! Besides the shallow guys who want nothing more than a pretty face to flaunt around town to make their friends jealous...?
No, I'm not the skinniest, I'm not the prettiest, I'm not the funniest, &I'm not going to be the one to jump at the chance to sleep with you. I'm me, and that's all I am or ever will be. Take it or leave it, I really don't care, just don't waste my time.
And then as we pull into her house, she and her boy toy jump out of the car and basically run into the house, so I take my things and head to my car to go home. She comes out of her garage and yells across the street, "You're leaving?!"
I'm like, Uh, yeah. And she puts her arms out for a hug, and that's one of my biggest pet peeves. In my mind, I'm like no, actually, I'm not going to come and ATTEMPT to give you a hug around that THING wrapped around your waist like a stupid little puppy dog!

Gahhh! People just piss me off. Sometimes I just want to scream at the top of my lungs the things that people should know about me; the things I love, the things I hate, &the things that drive me absolutely crazy! But then again, I don't just want to tell people things like that, I want to see who will stick around &care enough to figure out those kinds of things. At this point, nobody has stayed around long enough or cared enough to try to figure any of that out. I mean, yeah, they know the trivial things about me that most people would get after hanging out with me for a few hours... I'm sarcastic, I hate people, I'm a hopeless romantic, I love music, I love photography, and all that jazz. But with everything that's happened in my life, no it may not be worse than what's happened in your life, but I am the person I am because of all of it. I have been hurt, betrayed, stabbed in the back, walked over, and taken advantage of. &Because of all of that, I have walls up, I use sarcasm as a way to avoid what I really feel, I plaster a smile on my face to hide the tears brimming in my eyes, and I wear make up to cover the bruises of my past.
Is it really too much to ask for to want to find just ONE friend who will know what to say to me when things get really rough? To find a guy who will look at me and love me, even after he's met my friends? Is it too much to ask for when I want to find SOMEBODY who can lay with me when I wallow in self pity, and know just what to tell me to make me actually feel better? Is it too much to finally want people in my life that deserve to be there, versus me just putting them there to see if they fill the void, just so I can get hurt to figure out that they aren't really what I want and NEED in my life?
Is any of it really too much to ask for?

On another noteeeee, I feel like it's time for some spring(ish) cleaning. I am going to go through my facebook friends, figure out who my TRUE friends are, I'm going through my cell phone contacts and getting rid of stupid things in my life. I just feel like my life is getting so cluttered with the dumb things that I can't even see through any of it to see what's real and what's fiction. This is why people move out and go to college at this point in life. I need to move away from here. I need a new scene, I need new people, a new job, new experiences, and I need to try to find myself.
But I guess for now, that's just too much to ask for...