I BELIEVE.


I believe that true love does exist.
I believe true friends are irreplaceable.
I believe you have to work for what you want.
I believe that laughter is contagious.
I believe that friends make life more livable.
I believe that a smile can change someone’s day.
I believe that the truth is powerful; both negatively and positively.
I believe in the truth for the sake of not lying.
I believe that a white lie is just as much a lie as any other.
I believe that you have to stand up for what you love.
I believe that life is hard, but it’s only worth it if you have something to worth living for.
I believe that country music has been ingrained into the core of my soul.
I believe that there is no love like a sibling’s love.
I believe that music can change a person’s life.
I believe anything is possible if you have the courage to dream.
I believe that dreams do come true.
I believe in Karma.
I believe in true friendship.
I believe in complete honesty no matter what.
I believe in being genuine.
I believe that love can change a person.
I believe that a roller coaster is totally worth the thrill.
I believe that laughter is the way to complete health.
I believe that music is a way of life.
I believe in dreams out of this world.
I believe that art can change a person’s outlook on life.
I believe that the smallest things really do mean the most.
I believe that the word ‘beautiful’ does more than ‘hot.’
I believe in a man being a gentleman.
I believe in chivalry.
I believe in hope and dreams.
I believe that we learn something new about ourselves every day.
I believe we never really forget our first love.
I believe in love stories, and hopeless romance, and butterflies by a simple touch of the hand.
I believe in courtship in marriage.
I believe that nothing can top a summer romance.
I believe in writing in the sand.
I believe in love, friendship, and family.
I believe in spontaneity.
I believe in endless learning.
I believe in the power of art.
I believe in believing.
I believe there is good in everybody.
I believe in second chances.
I believe in forgiveness and trust.
I believe in summer fun.
I believe summer music is more passionate than any other time of year.
I believe summer is the most inspiring time.
I believe that kisses make people happy.
I believe in the power music has over people.
I believe in wearing your heart on your sleeve.
I believe in protecting your heart, while letting people close enough to hurt you.
I believe in the power of heartbreak.
I believe in the power of dreams and love.
I believe in teenage love.
I believe in the unrequited feelings.
I believe in passion.
I believe in laughter.
I believe in the power of music &lyrics.
I believe in the idea of utopia.
I believe in this world, and I believe in this life.
I believe, in ME.

FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS.

This is the last time. This is the last chance we have. This is the end of the beginning. This is the first day, of the rest of our lives. After this year, this will all be done. High School will be done. Over. Past. There is no turning back, no second chances.
First semester is already gone. We never thought it would happen, but it's finally starting to hit us all. Graduation is right around the corner. We won't see these people ever again. What's the point in disliking someone for something that happened years ago? Take the time we have left and utilize it to the best of your ability. I fear that I will regret the things that I won't say more than the ones that I will. I fear that I won't be able to do the things I want to before the rest of my life begins. I fear that once we all go our separate ways, we will forget about each other. I fear that in a matter of a few months, we will all me scarce figures in the figments of everyone's memories. I want to move on, but I don't want to let go of everything I have right now.
The boys of fall. This movie is the perfect portrayal of football season from the fan's point of view. During every single game, we the fans all live vicariously through the players. We yell at the top of our lungs, as if it makes a difference. We dress up in the colors of our school, to represent the love we have for the boys on the field. We support them with everything we have inside us. High school is one simple thing: Those Friday Night Lights. The smell of the fresh cut grass, the cool chill of the autumn air, the race of our adrenaline coursing through our bodies as we watch those boys, our friends in the hallways, celebrities on the field, run out. It's amazing. The smallest things really do mean the most when you break it down. When we see people running around in gym class, nobody really pays attention. But put that same scenario in a football uniform, jogging out onto a field, and you have what every teen wants in high school experience; suddenly, we're all one in the same. There are no words.
Senior year rolls around and we all become so engrossed with the future. What we want to do with the rest of our lives, who we are friends with, the friends we've lost, the college we're planning on attending... It's all so much that we almost forget completely about the now. This is the last. The last high school football game we will go to. The last time we will be with the friends we've known our whole lives. The last time we will get to choose our high school courses for the next semester. The last time everything is the exact same, but in some aspect, completely foreign. This is the best time of our lives. High school is what makes us who we really are. It's the time for discovering, for experimenting, for finding out. High school is the years we all want to get to, yet can't wait to get out of. This time of our lives will be over before we know it. Why do we all waste it wanting the future to come faster, when the life we have, RIGHT NOW, are the days most adults would kill to get back.
Countless Friends. Friday Nights. No Responsibility. Carefree and Careless. Old enough to know better, too young to care.
These days really are, the Best Days Of Our Lives. Don't waste them away.

Who are we, really? We change so often, it's getting hard for me to tell what's real, and what's just temporary. I have changed so much in the past few years. Some things stick with me, some things simply come and go. Are they phases, or can somebody really call me fake?
One day I don't care what I look like, the next, I feel like getting my brows waxed, wearing cute clothes, doing my hair &makeup, and getting my nails done. One day I have fresh, virgin skin, the next I want a million tattoos. Does that make me a poser? No. It makes me a teenager. One day I love my hair the color it is naturally, the next, I want every color of the rainbow in it. For me, being a teenager is being able to do whatever you want, without being made fun of. It's the time when none of us really know who we are, so why not experiment and have fun while trying? We're young and carefree, so why should we act any differently? We're spirited and passionate, why waste that? This life is all so precious and fragile, so why do so many people waste it?! I plan on embracing every single moment of the rest of my life. I know that all of this could be gone in the blink of an eye, so I don't plan on taking any of it for granted. Why do you?

THE FUTURE. THE PAST. THE RIGHT NOW. THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT.

My friend posted on her blog as follows:
"But I can still appreciate a man who can be a man.
A man with morals and life goals and drive and really great hair.
A man who can be my best friend, but still give me butterflies every time he touches my hand.
A man who's willing to step it up and actually pursue a lady, rather than sit back and wait for her to practically sit at his feet and beg him to give her the time of day.
I'll never be that girl, and I wonder if there's "that guy" out there.
Time will tell :D "
--SLaird

I read this and fell in love. It is so true. I'm not the 'girly' type of girl. I hate dressing up. 99% of my life has been lived in jeans and hoodies, My hair is always worn one of like 4 ways, and I'm friends with all the guys. But does that really mean that I'm not entitled to true love? I believe everybody deserves love from a significant other. We are all loved by friends and family, but that's not the kind we spend our entire lives searching for, so why should that be the only kind we receive? I believe that everybody deserves that one person that can give you butterflies, just with their smile. I believe that love should be earned, not taken for granted. I believe we should have to work at love every day for the rest of our lives. I believe guys need to go back to school and relearn how to get a girl to look his way, not for a girl to fight to get HIM to give her the time of day. I believe our society as completely reversed the use of the sexes when it comes to romance, &I believe that we all need to be loved like in the 18th century.

NEXT TOPIC:
Life.TheFuture.Graduation.GrowingUp.
All of these are very scary things to think about. Life is one of those things that is so fragile, yet harmless. It is scary, yet extremely exciting. It is terrifying, but totally worth the ride. It is something we all go through, yet some of us make it through easier than others. Life is one of those things that is different for everyone, and it is something that can change, or be gone, in a matter of seconds, with a single word, or a single action. Life is the scariest/worst/best/electrifying/inspiring thing in the world.
The future is terrifying. I love the idea, but at the same time, I'm terrified of it and don't want it to come. I'm the kind of person that loves change, but the idea of the future is actually starting to scare me. I have always wanted the rest of my life to finally be on it's way, but then I sit back and look at the life I have right now, and I realize that I am falling more and more in love with life every single day, which makes me realize that I really don't want it to just get on with. I want to enjoy every single second of the rest of my life. I'm only 18 years old, but I feel like I'm starting to see what life is all about. It's not about money, or the number of friends you have, or the ultimate destination you want to get to. Life, to me, is all about this moment. The one that we're in right now. Life is all about how you feel about yourself, how much you laugh, how you feel when you're with the people you love, how you treat people around you, and what you do when nobody is looking. Life is all about the person you become along the journey, and how you react the all of the curve balls that life throws at you.
Graduation. It's the thing we all look forward to, but never really think it will come. But when it's right around the corner, it all starts to hit you. All the friends you have made in school: they're all moving to different places. Your current school infatuation, you won't ever see again. You won't be able to see everybody, every day of the week like you're used to. You realize that you can finally move away, but wait, is that really what you want anymore? I always thought I wanted to move away, but now that I have the option to, is it really what I want? I have so many friends, and I'm so close to all of them, I don't want them to suddenly spread out over the entire continent. Just the simple thought of graduation terrifies me. I love change, but this is one that I'm not ready for. I'm not ready to be on my own. I'm not ready to leave the life I have right now, for something 100% new. I start to shake, I start to want my past pack, I start to want to reconnect with my old friends, I start to want everything I never wanted, back. It makes me want to cry. I'm so used to knowing what's going to happen when, and being somewhat in control, but the future is so different. I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know what I want. I don't know who I will meet, what I will do, how I will survive. Life is so easy, I'm not ready to move on. Senior year. It's everything that I ever imagined it could be. Times 374974372537590276647382928364. Literally. This year is a million and one times better than I thought it could be. But in a matter of months, it will all be over. No turning back. No second chances. No. It will all be over &a new chapter will be beginning. Am I really ready for that?
Life is easy. We have jobs, but nothing real we have to pay for. We have countless friends. We have the summer. We have school, &classes. We have the rest of our lives. But every single day we waste, is a day that we can NEVER get back. Why do we waste the time we have, wishing for tomorrow, when tomorrow is never guaranteed?

"Real life is a funny thing, you know. In real life, saying the right thing at the right moment is beyond crucial. So crucial, in fact, that most of us start to hesitate, for fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. But lately what I've begun to fear more than that is letting the moment pass without saying anything. I think most of us fear reaching the end of our life, and looking back regretting the moments we didn't speak up. When we didn't say 'I love you.' When we should've said 'I'm sorry.' When we didn't stand up for ourselves or someone who needed help....
"What you say might be too much for some people. Maybe it will come out all wrong and you'll stutter and you'll walk away embarrassed, wincing as you play it all back in your head. But I think the words you stop yourself from saying are the ones that will haunt you for the longest. Say it to them. Or say it to yourself in the mirror. Say it in a letter you'll never send or in a book millions might read someday. I think you deserve to look back on your life without a chorus of resounding voices saying, 'I could've, but it's too late now.' There is a time for silence. There is a time waiting your turn. But if you know how you feel, and you so clearly know what you need to say, you'll know it. I don't think you should wait. I think you should SPEAK NOW."
--TSwift (:

Life is such a strange thing. And people are the reason for it. We spend our whole lives not saying things because of the fear of hurting someone's feelings, losing a friend, embarrassing ourselves, or maybe even making ourselves vulnerable. Yet, at the end of our lives, we all think, 'what if?' What if we had said that one thing, to that one person? What if I had told the cute guy on the basketball team just how much I really liked him? What if I had been honest that one time? We go through life doing things that we don't want to regret, but in the end, we end up regretting all of those things that we didn't do, that we should have done. We're all afraid of being judged. Of putting our true feelings out there for the world to see. Of wearing our hearts on our sleeves. Of doing things we'll regret. Of not doing anything at all.
We spend our lives fearing fear itself. What's the point? We all want to make our mark on the world and the people around us, but are afraid of the consequences of doing just that... We end up fearing life itself, which is sad. We are all made for a purpose, and my guess is that it wasn't to fear life; it's to embrace it and make the best of it.

Do the things you fear. Do something that terrifies you. Eat lunch with somebody you would never hang out with. Do something that you think will kill you. Kiss somebody you just met. Make plans for the future, but don't be afraid to veer off track for awhile. Say something that takes you out of your comfort zone. EMBRACE LIFE.
Nothing in this life is guaranteed. Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today?
I'm scared. I'm scared of the future. I'm scared of life. I'm scared of the unknown. I'm scared of love. I'm scared of commitment. I'm scared of myself. I'm scared of how I'll spend my life. I'm scared of falling in love. I'm scared of never finding love. I'm scared of losing everything I know. I'm scared that I won't get everything that I want. I'm scared I'll get everything and more. I fear. But that's the beauty of life. We all fear, but life goes on. We live and we learn, we crash and we burn. What's the point of life if it's all going to waste?

Inspirations for this post?
--THale, CArmstrong, ASottosanti, EWinland, MReed, KFeldman, CGilreath, Myself, RScott, Ghandi, MLK, SLaird, TSwift, Life, Love, Regret, Fear, &so much more.

WHAT IS LOVE?

When you hear the word, what do you think of? This little four letter word is the one thing that gets me thinking every day of my life. What is it? How do we even know if it exists? Is there only one person out there for each of us, or are there hundreds? What does it feel like?

3 words. 8 letters. Say them &I'm yours.

There are so many things that go with those four little letters. I know I'm only 18 and still have my whole life ahead of me, but is it really a bad thing that I want to fall in love before I turn 20? I want to fall so in love it hurts. I want to fall for someone who will work to get my attention, who won't take me for granted. I want to fall for someone who won't be afraid to hurt me, but will ALWAYS be there to catch me. I want to fall hopelessly in love, and I want it to be real. I'm sick and tired of just being the 'friend'.
Boys, answer me this, what is it about a girl that makes you fall? I've heard every answer in the book, but I want to know what it really is. I've heard that they fall for the girls that treat everyone like crap (seriously?!). I've heard that guys fall for the sweet &genuine girl in class... But what about those of us that are in the middle?
What if we're just having fun being nice to everybody, but not bending over backwards so that everybody besides ourselves are happy? Then what? What's left for us?
I want a guy to look at me &not be afraid to come over to me and start a conversation. Even if I'm with friends, I'm not going to turn down a new friend or conversation. Yes, I start as friends with all of the guys I meet, but is that as far as it's ever going to get?

What is love? Is it a feeling? Is it a way of looking at things? What it is exactly, or can it even be defined?
I believe that there is one special person out there for everyone. But here's the thing that I constantly worry about...
What if we don't find that one person? What if we find 'decent' but never 'perfect'? What if we spend our whole life waiting? Searching? What happens to those of us that never find the one person that we're supposed to spend eternity with?
&when we think we're starting to fall for someone, how do we tell the difference between like&love?
Maybe these are all stupid questions. Maybe once you fall in love, you can answer me every single one of these. Maybe nobody can answer these for anyone. Maybe the answer is different for every single person. But I just can't help but wonder...

What is it about me that repels guys from wanting to date me &just stay friends? Is it the fact that I have a ton of guy friends? Is it because I talk to everybody? Am I intimidating? Am I unapproachable? Everybody I ever ask always just assumes that these questions are all rhetorical, but they really aren't.
What makes one girl more 'date-able' than the next?
What is love? And most importantly, how do we find it?
I'm sick of being stuck in the friend zone. For once in my life, I want to know what it's like to be on the other side. I want to know what it's like to always have someone you can rely on. I want to know what it's like to have a hand to hold through all the tough times. I want to know what it's like to get sweet little kisses just for the heck of it. I want to know what it's like to be wanted.

So I leave you with this:
What is love? Four little letters. So much meaning.

I AM

Very inspiring movie. One of the many benefits of going to PC for your senior year? You get awesome benefits like being able to have a movie premier at your school BEFORE it hits the theaters. &To make it even better, it was open to the general public, it was free, and everybody who's anybody was there. It was truly one of the most inspiring movies I have ever seen. It showed me that there is so much more to life than who's the popular kid in school, or how much money someone has. It proved to me that money is truly the worst form of cancer for our society. It's the worst disease. We have all been so brainwashed by all of society that we have come to believe that we can't be happy unless we have more than we need.
Answer me this: Why is it that in America, there are so many people with more money than they know what to do with, when across the lake there are people who can't even scrounge up enough to buy a piece of break to eat...
We have been taught to look up to people like Brad Pitt, Zac Efron, Brittney Spears, and people of equal fame. But once you watch this movie, I believe you will all see the error of our ways and see that the real people we should be looking up to are people like Ghandi, MLK Jr, FJK, and Nelson Mandela. Now these people are true inspirations. They fought society's beliefs. They fought for what the believed in, and refused to back down despite what everyone around them said. I believe that these are the people we no longer pay attention to, yet are the ones that we SHOULD be remembering. It showed me that instead of worshiping money, we should be looking for happiness in life, not so much money that we don't even know what to do with it all. It has been proven that people that are of medium rank in the money system are happier than those of enormous wealth. Don't ask me where I've heard this because I don't remember, but it was one of those things that I heard, and has stuck with me ever since then.
The movie was definitely one that I recommend everybody go see. It's not so moving that it will bring you to tears, but it will definitely make you see another side of life, a happier side of life, the side of life that we should all be striving for, yet don't have the courage to pursue...

JUST AS LONG AS IT'S FB OFFICIAL...

What did I learn today? That nothing is really official until it has been posted all over facebook for the entire world to see. It's true when they say that technology is taking over our generations. If you missed anything in person, it is guaranteed that you can find it on facebook. You miss the homework assigned in class? Someone on facebook will have it. Missed the latest fight? Someone will have taped it and posted the link to facebook. Don't know what teachers to take for your classes next year? No problem, everybody posts about the teachers they hate. There ya go, problem solved. Ever feel outta the loop? Just log onto facebook for about 10 minutes &you'll be all caught up. The latest breakup, the latest drama, and everything in between.
As I walk through the halls on my way to class, I hear just this... The following is not exaggerated. It is in fact exactly what I heard.
"Dude, are you serious?!"
"Yeah, it's all over facebook."

It turns out that facebook is the new MySpace. And before you know it, there will be some new, hot, up and coming website that will make twitter and facebook look as ancient as MySpace is starting to look to all of us. Things are only true if you've read about it on FB. Thing are only reliable if EVERYBODY says something about it... On their FB. You can only believe the rumors,,, if somebody posted them... ON FB!!!!
Yes, it is easy to say that FB is taking over the world, one sad soul at a time. Have we totally lost the idea of reading a good old fashioned book? Sitting outside, just to sit outside? Going on walks because they make us feel refreshed? What has internet, or shall I say facebook, done to us?!?!?!?!

WHAT MAKES US, US?

We all claim to be so different and so unique, but when you really think about it, what makes us all so different? What do we judge each other on?
Do we judge our peers on what we think when we first see someone?
What clothes they wear?
What's happened in their past?
What they dream will happen in their future?
Who's the smartest?
Who's the most popular?

Do we judge people in reference to the world around us, or in reference to what we actually know of that person?

This is the real dilemma in my mind right now. We all judge some people to a certain degree, but what do we really base those judgments on? I don't know if we judge someone on what we know they have done in their past, who they are when they're with us, or what they're like compared to everybody else in the room.

In one situation, someone could rule the world, hypothetically of course, while in another, be a total outcast. Do we judge people based on who's friends with who? Who's the nicest person underneath all of the random bull that is in the world?
For example, when you look at me, how do you judge me? Do you look at me and hear all of the random things (some true, some false) that people say about me, or do you take the time to come to your own conclusions?Do you decide whether or not you're going to talk to be based on what I wear? Do you base me on looks compared to everyone around me? How do people get the stereotypes they do? I know that everybody makes judgments every single day, but what are the things that cause a person to fall into one, rather than the other?

OH, PUBERTY TREATED YOU WELL(:

Don't you just love it when you lose touch with certain people, and then randomly see them years later. You know, once all of the awkwardness is over with. Once they have grown into their height, their voice, and so much more?! Puberty sucks going through it, but to see people afterward, you realize just how much you miss them, and just how attractive they really are! Middle school is the absolute worst time of anybody's life. It is full of voices that constantly crack, girls that are all taller than boys, nonstop acne, clothes never fitting the same twice, and everything else that is insanely awkward. But then, once all of those weird things are over with, people start to finally grow into themselves. I love seeing guys down the road, and boy is it nice to see them all again.
They are all so much more attractive than I ever remember them, and just the fact that they remember me too, that's the kind of thing that makes my days. You have to love people that you grow up with, lose touch with, but then remember you at first sight after...nearly 8 years? That's what I call memory. (:
Let me just say, you are EXTREMELY attractive anymore, and I love the fact that you remember me, after all of these years. I'm glad I made an impression like that on somebody, because you remembering my name is just about the greatest thing that has happened to me all week. Thank you, &it was amazing to see you again. &Just so you know, puberty did you well, very well(:

--BBaldry

FEEL STUPID, MUCH?!

Yeah, we can all say now that I am the craziest, dumbest person ever. But hey, who cares?! It's fun.

The point isn't the destination, but the journey in getting there.

Life is all one big misadventure. Things go wrong, people leave; you live, you learn, you crash, you burn. We all make mistakes and we all do some really stupid things during out time. So let me ask you this, what's the point in embarassment? What's the point in turning your head in shame? We all mess up; laugh at yourself. Life isn't tolerable if you don't make mistakes &learn from every one of them. So many people go through life doing everything they can to be perfect because they think perfection is the key to happiness. In my opinion, happiness only comes through orderly chaos. We all make mistakes, some bigger than others, some dumber than others, BUT a mistake is a mistake. We trip over our own feet, we get people mixed up &we forget crucial information. So what? It happens to all of us. The greatest minds in history are the people that make more mistakes than the rest of us all combined. So many people don't understand the purpose of laugher. It is to release any stress, of which is caused by extreme screw ups.

"Who will love me for me, not for what I have done or what I will become. Who will love me for me, cuz nobody has shown me what love, what love really means." --JJ Heller

We all need to learn to love and accept for everybody for out flaws. That's what makes life interesting and fun and exciting. We make dumb mistakes, and we have friends who love us despite. We have friends who will laugh at our utter stupidity every day for what we did three weeks ago. Why can't we all be as carefree as a child? They fall down, look to the people around them, and then end up laughing in the end. Life should be full of stupid mistakes and people that will laugh WITH you, not AT you. True friends will accept you for all of your mistakes &love you even more with every one you make. None of us are perfect; what's the point in striving for it? It's never going to happen. Let's all love it up while we have the time and not regret a single one of the stupid things we've done in our past or the stupider things we will do in our future. It's inevitable. Enjoy &laugh at all of your mistakes. I will be right by your side to laugh with you(:

GRADUATION!
:D
:/
:(

It's almost that time of year. That time time of our lives. We all anticipate it for the first 17-18 years of our lives, but is anybody ever really ready for it? How are we supposed to be ready to leave the friends we've had our whole lives? Drop everything we've made, everything we've worked on. I always thought I would be ready to graduate, and throughout all of high school, I never thought this point in my life could come soon enough. Boy, was I wrong. It came faster than I could have ever believed, and now that it's right around the corner, I want nothing more than for time to slow down. But I know that won't happen. The closer graduation gets, the faster the time will go.
I'm not ready. I don't want to say goodbye. What none of us realize is that we are all living the life. Right now. We are the perfect age. We are 18 &legal. We can do things and not have to have our parents sign for us. We can drive and do whatever we want for the most part. We have more friends than we can count, and at this point, it seems like we're at the top of the world. Who would want to give any of that up? The only thing we have to worry about is (maybe) paying for gas and insurance for our car. We have jobs, but we have no real expenses, so we are free to do with out money what we want. Our parents trust us.
We spend the days socializing with friends. Nights at school sporting events. We fall in and out of lust and infatuation, but mistake it all for love. We think there is nothing new for us to learn. We think we know everything there is to know, we have all the friends we could ever need, and we are on top of the world. Sadly, none of this is true.
For once in my life, I'm scared. I don't know what the future holds for me, &to be honest, it scares me shitless. I'm absolutely terrified of what the rest of my life will have for me. I've always known what to expect, who to trust, and what kinds of things I should avoid. After graduation, it's all new.
Growing up, we never thought graduation would come. We always just thought it was that time that we always wanted to come, but never thought it ACTUALLY would. We have lived in a bubble, and pretty soon, our perfect world is going to burst. We are all in for a very rude awakening. We all want to stay young and carefree, but at the same time, be on our own so that we can call our own shots. Too bad we can't have the best of both worlds.
I want to graduate more than anything. I have so many plans for my life, but who knows if any of them are actually going to happen. &If they don't, then what? I only have a plan A and B. I don't have a plan C. I hate just leaving my life to fate. I have to know some of what life has to hold for me. I don't know what I'm going to do.
I have all the friends I could ask for, a great job, I'm surrounded by cute guys, I have countless crushes, and so much more. I have a car all to myself thanks to my brother.
We all need to take a step back and look at our lives. We need to realize everything that we have, and be thankful for every single aspect of it. We need to thank our parents for being patient enough with us through all of our stupid mistakes instead of killing us all then and there. We need to thank every single person that has ever been a part of our lives. If it weren't for every single person, every single moment, every laugh, every memory, every tear, everyTHING. If it weren't for our pasts, we wouldn't be who we are today. Without our past choices, we would all be totally different today.
I can't wait to see what the rest of my life has in store for me, but for once, I don't want to give up what I have right now. I love my life, and finally feel like I'm where I need to be. I feel like my life is finally starting to fall into place, and I don't want that to go away. The countless laughs, the drama for all the right reasons, the friends, the crushes, everything. I don't want to lose any of it. I can finally say that I am in love with my life. Do I really have to give it up?

Well, let's just make the best of the time we all have left. Let's laugh at the things that happened yesterday, fall in and out of love too many times, be friends with everyone we can, reconnect with those friends we lost, and be sure to hold onto the friends we have. Let's be thankful for our life right now, and not regret a single thing. After all, if you blink, it could all be gone.

WHAT'S HAPPENED TO THE WORLD?!

It's as if we're afraid of love, and anything that even slightly resmebles it. We are so afraid of a broken heart or getting turned down, we don't even risk it anymore. We might as well all be Amish. Seriously.

So, here's the low down from my perspective:

The good guys fall for the girls that play them, but don't think they deserve anything better.

The good girls fall for the guys that will cheat on them because they don't think they can do any better than the lowest.

We say we 'fall in love' but is it true? From my point of view, we fall in lust. I know the feeling well.

I'm terrified of commitment, but I know that as soon as somebody shows me that I can trust them, I won't have to be afraid anymore. Is it so much to want chivalry to NOT be dead? I mean, what is it about girls and guys these days?

They always say, leave your comfort zone and let love come to you, but I don't believe that anymore. I believe that if you want something bad enough, you have to be willing to fight for it. You have to be willing to stand in the middle of your high school cafeteria during the busiest time of day and stand on a table and yell at the top of your lungs, "I like you! Now will you please do something about it before I go completely crazy?!"

Do we as a society have to lower our standards or what? Just because some of the girls are lucky enough to be able to call of the nice guys in school theirs, do the rest of us have to settle?

So sue me for being 18 years old and knowing what I want in a guy. Is that really a crime? I want someone who will make me laugh, who will make me feel special, and who will love me for me, and be able to bring me with when he's with his friends...

For once in my life, I want a true love story to happen to me. I want to fall for a guy, and actually have him act on it. I'm sick and tired of sitting by as all my friends get the guys, as I just stand on the sidelines watching. Is it so much to ask that, hey, can you at least act like you're semi interested?

Like here, story of my life:

Girl sees cute boy.

Girl starts to like cute guy.

Girl starts to fall for cute guy and gets noticed by cute guy and all of cute guy's friends.

Cute guy glances girl's way every now and then.

Girl suffers because she wishes he would ACTUALLY do something about it.

Girl loses faith.

Girl hates all guys.

Girl goes back to being friends with guys.

Girl falls for another cute guy.

Repeat.

No joke, that's what always happens to me. I know what to do to get noticed by a guy, but have they lost all of their balls and courage to be able to walk up to a girl and start a conversation? I mean come on. Is chivalry really dead?

Yeah, you could call me a social butterfly. I talk to everybody I run into and I become friends with like 99% of those people, but for some reason, it never escalates into anything else. Is it really a bad thing for me to want a guy to fall for ME for once? I'm tired of always being the one who falls, and therefore the one who gets hurt.

I walk past you, you look at me, we make eye contact. Every now and then we even exchange a slight smile. I get it, you're not as outgoing or carefee as some people. You're shy. I know how you feel. I used to be the same way. I've learned that being shy doesn't get you anywhere in life. I want you to talk to me, not me to kill myself just for you to maybe notice me. I know you know who I am. I've made it very clear I think you're cute. So do me a favor, grow a pair and talk to me. I'm not that hard to talk to, or that intimidating, or whatever. I'm a PERSON! Just like the next girl.

What ever happened to the guy making the first move? Has it been totally lost in todays society?

--MReed, KKentera
#'s 23, 30, 33 (:

On another note! Boys basketball! Tonight was the game of the season by far. RHSvsPCHS

We won. Of course(: It was a close came and really intense. It was so much fun. I just want to say congrats to Devin, Mitch R, Mitch S, Elliot, Marcus, Landon, Kris, Cole, Steven, Alex, Kevin, and everybody else on the team. You all played so well &the whole school is so proud of all of you guys. You have made this season one to remember, and the fact that it's the last one for us in high school makes it even more special. I hope you guys all keep up the good work: you deserve all of the wins. This is the last chance we get before we all go our seperate ways, let's do everything we can to make it worthwhile. (: You guys want to thank us fans for coming out to support you. You should be thanking yourselves &your coach. You all make it so easy to come out and cheer you on when we all have so much faith in you(:

IT'S OUTTA THIS WORLD!

Have you ever felt so happy for so long, that it feels almost surreal? I love feeling like everything in my life is finally working out like they're supposed to. It's a rare feeling for me, but I can't get enough of it. I wish I knew what was making me feel this way, but at the same time, I'm happy I don't. Maybe it's the fact that basketball season is in full swing &It's such a rush going to the games and seeing the boys do their best, and usually win. Maybe it's being able to see my friends everyday and always having something new to talk &laugh about. Maybe it's the fact that I'm a senior and I'm taking the time I have left in high school and taking in as much of it as possible. Maybe it's all of these things combined, but maybe it's something totally different. Either way, I can't get enough of it, and I can't explain just how great it makes me feel. I'm always in a good mood, and when I'm not, it doesn't last long at all. I feel like my life is finally starting to be what it was meant to be all along. It's an out of body experience: the kind they talk about in books and movies, but one doesn't really understand until they are lucky enough to experience it on their own. I feel so completely blessed that my life is turning out the way it is. Maybe things are about to take a dramatic turn, but when it does, I know I will have people by my side through the whole thing.

I have friends that love me, that vent to me, that trust me with their secrets, and who talk to me about things they're afraid to talk to other people about. I feel like even though I don't have a boyfriend, it's okay. I don't need a guy to make me happy. I have all of the guy friends that I need, and that's all that matters. I have friends I can mess around with and have there be nothing more than friendship there; things don't have to get awkward, and things can stay carefree &fresh. Now that's the life.

WIth it being senior year, I'm talking to new people all the time, I'm making new friends everyday, finding new things to laugh about every day, and being all around happy. I feel like I'm untouchable, and when I'm with my friends, there's nothing better than how they make me feel. Most people would say I act like I'm high when I'm with them, and it's true. I am high; off life. Cliche, I know, but it's the truth. When I'm with my friends, I'm the life of the party and that's something I've never been before. I feel like I actually fit with the friends I have now, versus having to bust my butt just to get to see the people I used to call my friends. Things are finally flowing, and the feeling is completely undescribable.

School Hoodie: $30

Kicks that make boys stare: $70

Bball Game Admission: $3

Being able to laugh and be happy all the time: Priceless

I have my friends, my family, and my life to be thankful for.

What makes you feel so passionate about something, you become speechless? What is the one thing that makes you feel like you're walking on water? For me, it's a good basketball game, talking to my best friend, or a night in with the girls. What's your ultimate happiness?

THE BUCKET LIST

What's on yours? Everybody has dreams and things they want to do before they die, so what's one thing you want to do? I would normally list a few things on here, but a bucket list is one thing that should never be shared. Everybody has different dreams and different things they want out of life.

A lot of people would say things like, travel the world, meet somebody famous, meet my prince charming, and so on. But really? What's so unique about those. Everybody wants those things, and for a lot of people, those things won't ever happen. I'm not trying to crush dreams because I have way too many for my own good, I'm just being realistic.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

5 years old: A police man, a firefighter, or an astronaut.

13 years old: A doctor, a famous actor, or a singer.

18 years old: Who the hell knows?!

Our lives have yet to start, so how should we know what we want to do with the rest of it? We have yet to go through truly life changing experiences, have yet to fall madly in love just to have our hearts broken. We have so much to learn, so why do people expect us to know EXACTLY what we want to do with the rest of our lives? By the time most people reach their mid-late 20's, they have settled into their lives and lost the desire to anything else with their lives. But I refuse to be one of those statistics. I know exactly what I want out of life, and I'm not going to waste my life away waiting for it all to happen. I'm going to go out and make it happen. American society has engrained it into the minds of teens that they have to go through school, graduate from high school with the best grades in class, go to college and study medicine so they can be the one to cure cancer. Uh, do you mind if we're REALISTIC for a second?! That's not for everybody. School isn't for every single person, but we have learned that if someone doesn't go to college, it's a copout and they're lazy. NOT TRUE.

My best friend in the whole world didn't go to college; he enlisted in the military. That was the best choice he could have made. This best friend, also has plans to travel the world in a few years, and if you knew him like I do, you would know that he doesn't say things like that unless they're going to happen. Who is this best friend, you ask? The one person in the whole world that knows me better than anybody else: the one person who has and will always be there for me: He's my best friend, my role model, and my Big Brother.

He knows what he wants to do in life, and he's not the kind of person that will let anybody talk him out of something. Now, I don't know if he has a bucket list, because to be frank, the idea is kinda tacky, but I believe in it very strongly. I believe that if you don't write down your dreams and the things you want to accomplish, they won't ever come true.

I'm 18 and I know what I want out of life, and I know what I have to do to get it. That's a lot to say for someone my age, and definately harder for someone older than me to believe that I mean it with everything in me, but it's the truth. I know what I want, and I refuse to die until I have reached my full potential.

I have my bucket list full of 100 things to do before I turn 30, which means I have another for the bigger things I want to do before I die. Do you know what you want out of life? Do you have a bucket list? &If you do, what's on yours that different from anybody else's? What's going to make your life memorable for the people around you once your time on this earth is done and you're gone? What will you leave behind for people to remember you for?

WHO DO YOU SEE?

When you see me, what do you see? A girl who keeps to herself? Who has her small group of friends, but has no problem going out of her comfort zone?

These are just a few of the questions I ask myself when I'm alone. When I walk through the halls, or drive into a parking lot, what do people think? Some people would say I have many sides, or faces, but it's not true. It's called being a girl &having different moods. I feel certain ways after certain things happen.

This isn't going to be a post all about who I am, explaining me to everybody in the world. Call me old fashioned, but I believe that if someone wants to know something or someone, all they have to do is ask. It's not that hard, I promise. I've been told that people are scared to ask me something because they think I'm going to judge them, or laugh at them, or something equally low, but I hate hearing things like that. Those kinds of things just tell me that people really don't know me as well as they sometimes let on.

I'm the most laid back person and usually just go with the flow, but there are times when I can't keep my mouth shut. I know what I believe and I won't just sit back when somebody is talking crap about something they know nothing about. No, I'm not the smartest girl in class, but when I talk, I know what I'm talking about. I'm by no means uptight, that I can promise you.

I've gotten PRO at laughing at anything and everything, especially myself, but if you know me, you know that very well. I laugh at just about everything, and I have a very wide range of humor. I get jokes fast, and will remember them forever. I like tacky pick up lines, cheesy quotes, and extremely eye rolling worthy things that people say to me. I have learned that there are two things that will ever get me through life: Laughter or Tears. 99% of the time I turn to laughter, but every now and then, there's nothing more heartwarming than a good full out bawling session. Hey, I'm a girl, what can I say?! ;)

I'm low maintenence &want only two things out a relationship: Trust and Love. I want someone who will earn my trust and won't betray that in a second. I want someone who can trust me wholeheartedly, and will love me despite my flaws and my countless mistakes. I want someone who will be there for me after everything with a smile and a hug that can last for hours. I want someone who will be there for me for everything, and make sure I know that every day. I want someone I can count on, who knows that they can count on me. I don't change my mind overnight, and when I commit to something, I do it entirely, with everything in me. I want someone who will make pinky promises with me, and will keep those promises no matter what happens. I want someone who can look at me &know when something's wrong, and will fight to get it out of me.

How can a guy win my heart? It's really quite simple. Laugh with me. Make me smile. Remind me everyday that he loves me, and why I love him. Make me happy. &ALWAYS keep a promise. Trust is something very important to me. If I can't trust someone, it will never work out.

"A promise means everything, but once it's broken, sorry means nothing."

I need someone who will argue with me, but NEVER doubt my feelings. What most people don't know is that I love to argue and fight, but it has to be about something important. I won't argue about nonsense. I'm very strong in my beliefs and I know what I want, and I will fight to get just that. I want someone who will yell at me when I'm irritating and not worry about hurting my feelings. I want someone who will hurt me for all of the right reasons, but be there for me to run to when someone else hurts me and be ready to kick ass for me. I want someone that I can count on at all times of the day.

So, I will ask you again. When you look at me, what do you see?

A stuck up PC girl?

A fighter, or a lover?

An argument waiting to happen?

Someone who knows how to have fun?

A writer?

A photographer?

A girl who has dreams that are too big for this town?

Someone who wants nothing less than the world?

Go ahead and judge me, but there will always be things everybody won't know about me. When you look at me, would you believe I love piercings and tattoos? Would you believe I'm going to marry someone in the military? Would you believe that the only person I dare call my best friend is my brother? Would you believe all of this, or none of this? It doesn't matter to me what you think about me, but do me a favor: Before you write me off, sit down with me and have a conversation with me. Then make up your mind about me.

But until then, what do you think when you see me?

DO YOU EVEN SEE ME?

I see you. Everywhere. In school, during lunch, in your car, during games, and in my dreams. I see you everywhere, but I fear you don't see me at all. I try to do thinkg to get your attention, but is it enough? Do I need to do something more drastic just so you will look at me? I hate this feeling. I know we never talk, but is it a bad thing to want that change?

I don't know what it is about you, but I want to get to know you more. You're a basketball player, you have a cute smile, according to my friends, a nice ass, and a certain mystery about you, and maybe that's just it. The idea that you're not easy to get makes it fun to watch from afar, but I'm getting tired. I just want to talk to you and know if you even know if I exist.

I want to know if I'm wasting my time, or if being in lust with you is actually worth all of the suffering I put myself through. You're cute and something about you just pulls me closer and makes me even more curious every time I see you.

You're not loud or begging for attention, like most of your friends...

You're not the starting player at the games like your friends...

You're not always hitting on random girls, like your friends...

You're different, and I like it. I find it extremely appealing and attractive.

So if all of this is true, what does a girl have to do to get you to smile at her?

I know you know who I am.

You look at me in the halls, we race down the road when it's just us and our friends, I freak out when I pull up next to you at an intersection after a game...

So what else do I have to do to get you to see me? I'm a bold person, unless it comes to guys like you. You make me nervous, without saying a single word. I saw a guy that looked like you and my stomach dropped below the floor; I hated the feeling.

I know this sounds cliche, but you make me feel like I haven't felt in years. There's something intriguing about you, but I can't put my finger on it. It seems like everything I do reminds me of you. I want to get to know you, but will that ever really happen?

Is my little 5 year old crush just a waste of my time? Do you like another girl that you think is out of your reach? Do you think all of these things when you see me? Do you even see me at all, or am I just another girl in the hallway?

I see you everywhere and it kills me everyday. I want nothing more than to spend a little time with you: to see what makes you laugh, what makes you tick, what makes you roll your eyes, and what makes you fall harder than you would ever want to . I want to know you, I want to see you in a way your friends don't, but do you want the same? Do you even recognize me when you see me? Do you see me at all?

--MReed

WHAT REALLY MATTERS?

Okay, so I may not be the prettiest girl in school, or the top of my class for graduation, but does any of that really matter? Is that the only way to steal someone's heart? Well, if it is, it's truly sad. Are looks really that important to people that they won't look any deeper than physical attraction? I love a quirky guy, and someone that can make me laugh. Sure, it matter to be physically attracted to someone if you want anything to come of it, because if you don't want to be seen with the person, it's going to effect you, guaranteed.

But come on, are looks the only thing that matter anymore? We all see the hottest guy in school dating all of the 'popular' girls that never treat each other the right way, when way over on the side lines are the girls that would give the guys their whole hearts and would treat them right. Sure, I may not be the prettiest girl in school, by far, but I know one thing for sure: if you have a weakness for laughter, I will have your heart in a heartbeat. I believe laughter should be the way into someone's heart... My weaknesses in a guy are few and far between: Deep blue or intense green eyes, a killer smile, or a quirkyness about you. But the easiest way to steal my heart, and my attention? Make me laugh.

Should looks matter, yes, to a certain extent, but if you can't laugh with somebody, laugh at yourself, and be able to let go of yourself completely, will it really work out?

I see all of the gorgeous girls around me, who date all the attractive guys in school, but will any of those relationships really go anywhere? They like how the other looks, and they're both great for arm candy, but do they actually LIKE each other? Most likely not...

High school is good for infatuation, lust, and thinking you're finding what you want, when in reality most teens just do what they think their peers will approve of. What's so wrong with being different? I laugh like I'm high on drugs: I'm high on life. I smile like it's going out of style: What's the harm in showing off your happiness? Who says they need someone else to make them happy? Why do people think they won't be happy unless they're in a dramatic &highly stressful realtionship? Have you ever heard of being carefree and just having fun with friends?

The way to my heart? Eyes, SMILE, Laughter, and knowing how to have a good time.

"You know I got my own life &I bought everything that's in it. So if you wanna get with me, it ain't all about the bling ya bringin'. I want a love that's for real, and without that, no deal. Baby I don't need a hand if it only wants to grab one thing. The more you try, the less I buy it. I don't have to think it through, you know if I'm feelin' you. I don't need a man to make mit happen, I get off being free. I don't need a man to make me feel good."

So, what makes you tick? What do you look for in someone that makes you go completely gaga? What makes you fall head over heels? What does someone have to do, in order to win YOU over?

CALL ME A DREAMER

I have too many guy friends to count... Maybe that's why no guys will date me? It is intimidation? Do they fear that just because I have more guy friends than girl friends that I won't be as committed to them? Well too bad nobody knows me well enough to know different, or be told different for that matter... :(

I may hang out with a ton of guys, and I may laugh with them that seems like flirting, but it's really not. And flirting, does it always have to mean that you really like someone? Well, it shouldn't. Part of the fun of being a teenager is being able to flirt with anyone and everyone, regardless of how you really feel about them. I talk and laugh with guys that have broken my friends' hearts, with guys my friends like, and with guys I've never spoken to be in my life. Some people see that has flirting, and that's what loses friends, and makes enemies, and starts stupid rumors, but I just see it as being friendly and knowing how to go with the flow of life.

Besides, if a guy is going to base how I would be as a girlfriend, on how I act when I'm around other guys, maybe I don't want to date them after all. I want to date a guy that will know that I'm his, and that even though I laugh and mess around with other guys doesn't mean that he doesn't have all of my heart.

I'm the kind of person that will fight for what I want until the life fades from inside me. When I see something that I want, I will fight for it whole-heartedly. I want a guy that will fight for me, even if he knows that means giving me the power to break his heart. I want someone to be able to trust me enough to put all of their trust in me and know that I won't betray that. I value, to the highest degree, all of my guy friends, but is it such a bad thing to want more?

I want to be the one that gets hugs before and after class from the guy I've fallen head over heels for. I want to be the one that he can take out with the guys, and not be afraid that I'm going to ruin a good night of fun. I want to be the one that he's proud to show off to his friends. I want to be the girl he can talk to all night long, and never want to stop talking to. I just want a guy to chase me, instead of the other way around.

I want a guy to know that I have so much love to give, I just have to be given a chance. I want a guy to take a chance on me, and be thankful he did. I want to be, for once in my freaking life, the 'girlfriend' that everyone talks about.

Yeah, if only. Welcome to my nightly dreams. Call me a hopeless romantic, I call it too much Taylor Swift :)

SECRETS

"Tell on me


How I'm a total
wreck. Afraid to
Let anyone near.
Afraid they'll see
the real me, not
[Lydia] at all.

I do have friends
but they don't know
me, only someone
I've created to take
my place. Someone
sculpted from ice.

I keep the melted
me bottled up
inside. where no
one can touch her,
until, unbidden, she
comes pouring out.

She puddles then,
upon fear-trodden
ground. I am always
afraid and I am vague
about why. My life
isn't so awful, is it?"


Interpreted from Impulseby Ellen Hopkins



Please, do tell.
What's it like to be pretty? I look around me and see nothing but absolute beauty, and I can't help but wish I were a part of it. I have gorgeous friends, I'm surrounded by amazing guys, and I feel so out of place. I live in a world of beauty, and when I look around, it's then that I notice that I'm the ugly duckling. Even if some people disagree with that statement, sometimes I can't help but feel like I don't belong. I love to stand out, but there are some times I want nothing more than to just blend it. There are so many gorgeous girls that surround me, and they're all the ones that get the guys. They're stunning, inside and out, but they can act like one of the guys, and still get all of the guys. What's so different about them and me? Did I miss a day of school that was all about, 'how to be pretty' or something?! I mean, come on.
I'm not insecure about who I am, but when I look through pictures, I can't help but feel like I won't ever be good enough; for anything. I won't be smart enough, not pretty enough, not funny enough, and not good enough to deserve to be happy, or be good enough to actually get the guy I want.
No, I'm not subtle, and I hate to blend in, but is any of that really a bad thing? My life isn't bad, but sometimes I feel like everybody else has it so easy. This is all nothing but nonsense, but sometimes I feel like a caterpillar in a world of butterflies.
I wake up every morning and ask myself one thing: "Will today be the day I'm enough?"

--LChapdelaine

COUNTLESS RANDOMNESS(:

So, basically, my mom just got the world's greatest computer. It's got a huge ass screen. I just thought I'd share(:

Last night: PC vs FFC basketball game. Greatest night of my life, no joke. People say it all the time, but last night, I have never cheered louder, laughed harder, danced more, and freaked out over nothing more. Last night was the night of all nights, and you would know that if you were at the game, and if you weren't, you have no life. nbd(: Being able to make people laugh, Pulling up next to cute boys [PC basketball players] after the game, and completely embarassing my friends; all the makings of the perfect night, no lie.

Basketball is the best sport. I'm not the kind of girl that really gets into sporting events, but it's a totally different story when it comes to basketball. Something is different inside me than ever before, I just can't place my finger on it. New School? Finally found friends that make me happy without making me feel worthless?

Cute boys that don't make me nervous? Being able to finally be me and having people accept me for just who I am? None of it? All of it? I don't know, &I may never know, but it finally doesn't matter. I have friends that I know will stick by my side through whatever, and I now know that I don't need a boyfriend to be happy. I have more fun with my friends than I do with a guy that likes me. There's no pressure, just fun. It's the way life should be, &it finally is.(:

I feel like I'm on top of the world and I'm completely invincible (sp?). There's something inside of me that has always wanted to come out, and is finally getting the chance to do just that, and I couldn't be happier(: I feel like I can let people in and not have to second guess their motives. I can make friends with new people and accept that they may be better friends for me than the ones I already have, it's already proven true this year. I feel like my life is finally starting to fall into place, where it's supposed to be; where it should have been for the past few years... But hey, you live and you learn, right?! (: I feel like my life is opening up to all new possibilities, which is the greatest feeling. Music, friends, boys, classes , and just life in general. It's all new. It's all so spirited and passionate.

It's all so refreshing.

"We live, we love, we forgive, and never give up, 'cause the days we are given are gifts from above and today we remember to live and to love."

Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today? (: Get out there and live your life; you only get one chance, so why waste it following the rules. Don't waste the time you have now until you're sitting on your death bed asking your self, "what if?"

--KFeldman

ZODIAC SIGNS

What the hell is up with the new change of zodiac signs?! I mean come on. Those things were a sense of identity for some people, and now the world is adding another one?! That's total crap. Just about everybody's sign changed. I used to be a Sagittarius, and now I'm a Scorpio? What the hell?! I was never much of one to religiously read my horoscope, but some people did, and now if they have changed signs, that's a loss of identity. Some people are lost without their zodiac sign. Now I know that they can all just get used to the change, but there are some people that believe that their zodiac is who they are, and without it, they are nobody. I have read my horoscope and highly believe that they are true. Now, some times what they all say is just coincidence, but some of it is actually true. This whole thing is absolutely ridiculous! Just saying. Here are the new signs. What are you???


Capricorn: Jan. 20 - Feb. 16
Aquarius: Feb. 16 - March 11
Pisces: March 11- April 18
Aries: April 18- May 13
Taurus: May 13- June 21
Gemini: June 21- July 20
Cancer: July 20- Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10- Sept. 16
Virgo: Sept. 16- Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30- Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23- Nov. 29
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29- Dec. 17 <--New One
Sagittarius: Dec. 17- Jan. 20

IT'S ALL MY FAULT.

I’m so sorry.
For everything.
I hate to say this, but I miss you. I didn’t think I ever would, but I do.
I miss your laughs. I miss the things you would tell only me. I miss your (long, lingering) hugs. And I miss you.
It pains me more than you may know to see you try to be strong when I know it’s not true.
Part of me knows what you said is true, but most of me doesn’t want to believe it.
I see the way you look at her: you never looked at me like that.
You took what I told you and used it on her: you never did on me.
I may not have meant much to you, but you meant everything to me.
They say you don’t know what you have until it’s gone: this proves just that.
I know you want to make it out to be nothing, but I know it’s not true for one reason and one reason only: You and Me. We’re the same.
The same walls around our hearts.
The same rough outer shell, begging (in silence) for somebody to fight for us, for somebody to want to break through.
The same desire for somebody to prove to us that they care enough to take the leap.
The same nonchalant attitude when we find out the truth.
The same way we don’t get attached to anybody because then it might mean, dare I say, we actually care.
And yet we’re different, in just one way:
You’re the better actor.


I now know our friendship is over.
I have nobody but myself to blame for that. I just hope one day you find someone that you can finally let in.
Somebody that will make you realize we were all just pages of the story to finding yourself.
And the one who will prove to you that she wants in and won’t stop trying to get in.
She’ll be better than me.
She’ll be better than her.
She won’t be good enough for you,
But she’ll be the one.
I mean this when I say it:
I love you.
I always have and I know I always will.
You won’t cross my mind every day, in fact, once we go our separate ways, the idea that I ever think of you will be few and far between, but I can promise you one thing:
When you do come to mind, I will always remember the time we [almost] had something; we taught each other nothing, yet learned so much.
Please promise me one thing:
Be careful who you trust, but not so careful you remember how to trust.
Most of all though, when you do finally meet someone worth letting in, don’t think twice about it. Giving her the power to break your heart is the strongest thing you can do.
Don’t push her away; don’t let anybody steal her away.
I’m sorry for everything.
I love you.
I miss you.
I fear this is goodbye.

--RBahu

.GIRLNEXTDOORITIS.

What is wrong with me? Do I reek of the look that says, "don't date me"? I'm sick of just being the best friend to all of the guys. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love being the one that they feel comfortable telling things to. Hell, most guys see me as the friend they can come to for anything in the world; they tell me things they feel they can't tell their girlfriends or their best friends. Instead, I'm the friend that has to hold all of their secrets, when in reality, I don't want that burden. It's flattering they trust me like that, but I want their trust in another way. I want them to look at me and thinl, "Wow. She chose me. That beautiful girl standing right beside me chose me. What did I do to be so lucky?" But instead, I'm just the one they have fun with until something better comes around. That's why I don't wear my heart on my sleeve anymore. I have been hurt too many times to count and I'm sick of it. I will always be best friends with all of the guys, but when will it turn from best friend, to girlfriend?
I absolutely hate the label, but maybe one day I could get used to the idea. I'm the best friend, or the little sister that they're all protective of. But it's not the protective I want anymore. I'm 18 and I want them to fight for me.
When something is wrong, I'm good at covering it up, but I want somebody to be able to look at me and know there's something wrong. I want somebody to ask me," Lydia, what's wrong?" and when I say, 'nothing' I want them to look me in the eyes and say, 'don't you dare lie to me.'
I want to be able to run away from a guy crying, but know deep down that he will be chasing me because he truly wants to be with me; he wants to know what I'm thinking about. I want to be the girl in all of TSwift's songs. The one that gets betrayed by love time after time, and yet she never loses faith. I want to be the one worth fighting for. I want to be able to fight with someone about something impotant to me, but afterwards be able to kiss and make up.
I want to be able to hang out with my friends, and not always know that the guys want me to leave so they can be alone with my friends. I want to go to dinner with a friend, and have a guy not be able to take his eyes off of me. What is it about me that repells all guys? Do I have, "I love being single and miserable" written on my forehead? Is it the way I mess around with guys that makes them think I won't be good for anything except being the one to hear the things they don't have the balls to tell to anybody else? Is it the way I dress? The way I act? The way I don't really care what people around me think?
And do you want to know the worst part? I ask my friends these things all the time, and they either think they're rhetorical questions (they're not), or they tell me, "Lydia, none of the guys are good enough for you. When they look at you, they're intimidated. You're too pretty...." Blah, blah, blah. Gosh, could anybody else tell a worse lie?! Everybody always pretends that they will be the ones that end up dying alone, when in reality they're the ones who always have boyfriends. No, I'm going to be the old cat lady on the end of the street that is going to die alone at 93. Yeah, welcome to my life.